Universal has just released the first full-length trailer for 5 Fast 5 Furious, the latest installment of The Franchise That P-Walks Built. This time around, we catch up with the crew in Brazil, and the gang’s all here: Vin Diesel, Professor Cardboard, a model shaking her lustrous locks out of a motorcycle helmet, a couple of rappers, an Asian guy — it’s like the hottest hip-hop-themed stock photo catalog/shampoo commercial of the summer! “You guys will never believe this, but I have a plan that involves cars.” “OH HELL NAW!”
Oh, and did I mention The Rock is in this one? WRESTLING! BICEPS! CAR PORN! SLUTS! LISTEN UP, SMART GUY! DO YOU LIKE PARKOUR? BECAUSE IT’S TIME FOR… CARKOUR! TICK TICK TICK…. BASE JUMPING!
And then after a People’s Elbow or two, Tyrese shows up to deliver what’s apparently the film’s signature line: “This just went from Mission Impossible to mission In-Freakin-Sanity.” Sure did, homie, you better make like a tree and get the hell out of there.