SURPRISE: MANNY SHYAMALAN IS STILL A DICK

Senior Editor
08.28.08 121 Comments

Mark Wahlberg has been talking to MTV lately, and besides the usual boring crap and jokes about how Max Payne could beat up Batman, he had some good Manny Shyamalan stories.

“[Night] gave me the worst advice he could have ever given me. He said, ‘After [‘The Happening’], you can never hold a gun again. You know that, right?’ I said, ‘Are you crazy?’ He said, ‘I’m serious, don’t ever hold a gun again.’ And I said, ‘I don’t know about that, man.’”

See, Manny thought his movie would be so huge that it would forever typecast all the actors. He thought so many people would see The Happening that Zooey Deschanel would walk down the street and people would whisper, “Oh my God, is that the chick from The Happening? Holy f-cking shit, I can’t believe the star of the most brilliant f-cking smash hit film of the millenium is in my town.” He thought it would be so huge that if Mark Wahlberg was in another movie where his character was even remotely similar to his character in The Happening, the entire audience would shut down, and be like, “This movie is bullshit. Everyone knows the guy from The Happening would never do that.” I’m telling you, that’s what it’s like inside the mind of an insane, megalomaniacal midget. He’s like Lex Luthor, if Lex Luthor’s plans for world domination always involved making shitty movies.

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