Columbia Pictures has released a new trailer for The Smurfs, a live action version of one of the most annoying cartoons of my childhood. Originally, the Smurfs existed in medieval times, they lived in little mushroom houses, were three apples high yet not visible to anyone except a few people, and they spent their days foiling Gargamel’s quest to eat them all. In this new version, they somehow end up in modern New York City, harassing Neil Patrick Harris and his beard while they try to foil Gargamel’s quest to eat them.
As you can see in the trailer after the jump, Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) and Smurfette (Katy Perry) are joined by Brainy (Fred Armisen), Clumsy (Anton Yelchin), Jokey (Paul Rubens) and Grouchy (sigh… George Lopez). Hey, at least they gave Lopez a normal role and didn’t make him Construction Vendor Smurf. Also, the movie is directed by Raja Gosnell, who previously directed Beverly Hills Chihuahua among other atrocities. Wow, I would rather eat my own Smurf than watch this movie.
Added to the Smurf world are Gutsy and Panicky Smurfs, voiced by Alan Cummings and Adam Wylie, respectively. Gutsy is the incredibly unoriginal Scottish Smurf in the trailer and he is described as “brave to a fault”. Now I don’t want to have to polish my Smurf monocle here, but isn’t that Hefty Smurf? And Panicky panics when he gets scared. So what about Scaredy Smurf? Look, I’m not upset that they’re adding new characters, I just think it’s lame that they weren’t creative or relevant with them. What about Jihad Smurf, Liberal Arts College Smurf, or Westboro Baptist Smurf? Give me something I can really hate this movie with.