Here it is, your headline of the day:
God bless the New York Post, doing the Lord’s work as always. The “EXCLUSIVE” is as funny as anything else. (*30s newscaster voice*) Doot doo doot dootoot doo doot… This just in! Lindsay Lohan dodges a burlap sack full of truck nutz hurled at the starlet by an obsessed fan! Back to you, Johnny!
Zac Efron was mortified to be caught hanging out at “Fantasy World” sex shop in NYC yesterday – even though he was just filming scenes for his new movie, “Are We Officially Dating.”
Jesus Christ, we already did “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached” THE SAME YEAR. How many different ways do we need to say “these two white people are f*cking”?
When he realized a photographer had caught a picture of him surrounded by an array of glowing dildos, Efron immediately halted shooting and rushed out to chase down the pap.
Interesting that they refer to a group of dildos as an “array.” Not a herd, a school, a murder, a gaggle, an armada? A quiver of dildos, perhaps? I like to pack my dildos like a medieval archer. Saves space.
“Zac was begging the guy to delete the pictures,” an eyewitness tells Page Six exclusively. “He kept telling him that he has so many young fans and he didn’t want them to see it.” The photog refused, so his reps were quick to publicize the news that it was simply a scene for the upcoming romantic comedy.
“Oh God, a grease fire! Quick, throw cognac on it”
But this isn’t the first time Efron has been caught in a similar situation: Back in 2008 he and then-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens were photographed shopping for a blow-up sheep sex doll in Los Angeles. [NYPost]
Relevant. We need the Post for important trivia tidbits like that. And, to go with the obvious joke, just so I don’t have to read it 10 times in the comments, this doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d be uncomfortable in a room full of penises:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
You don’t really know if you’re dating someone until they accept the gift of dildos, as is tradition.
It’s true!
I swear when I read that ZE was photo’d in a room full of dildos I thought “No way! They’re making High School Musical 4?!!!”
Slow clap……rising…..frenzy
Arrays do have both a push and pop function.
I think “A murder of dildoes” is Agatha Christie’s unpublished work.
Is there an “e” in dildos?
Well, I guess there probably is if you’re using it right.
Using the “e” is a dilDON’T.
@ Larry
Ouch.
Still better than Sue Grafton’s “F is for Feltching” imho.
Dildoe is the archaic spelling. I think I saw it in Chaucer.
Efron was actually filming scenes for his new movie 17″ Again.
Dildo gonna dildo.
Those dildos were actually on the craft service table.
A group of dildos is called a ‘squirt’.
No, a group of dildos is called my “10 year high school reunion”.
An army of dildos? Maybe a marine corps of dildos.
I was going to say a group of dildos is called my mom’s bottom dresser drawer but I haven’t snuck back home in a few months. So it may not be true anymore.
The dildos glow because of diamonds inside.
They’re like Frodo’s sword. The dildos glow because they sense the presence of twink.
They don’t glow, they sparkle, because Twilight.
/suck it, out loud, suck it
“He kept telling him that he has so many young fans and he didn’t want them to see it.”
It’s okay, Zac. Nobody watches your movies anyways.
“I don’t want my young fans to see a picture of me in a sex-shop… I want them to go to the theater to watch a movie featuring a scene of me in a sex-shop.”
Something about running out of a sex store to “chase down the pap” seems about right
This photographer has a pretty keen eye to be able to walk past a wall of dildos and notice that one of them is Zac Efron.
Winner
COTW.
Nice.
A “gaggle” of dildos?
*A “gargle” of dildos*
A Pride of Dildos
Listen, I don’t care if we’re officially dating or not. Get me drunk and I’ll let you take pictures of me with a dildo.
/letterman
“And the number one joke about Zac Effron’s episode… Taking a picture with a dildo = Everyone who is pictured with Zac Effron.”
*motions to paul*
Hmmph… Zac Efron doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d be uncomfortable in a room full of penises……
That’s 1….
[i.imgur.com]
Dildo Baggins would be a great name for a dildo boutique.
I thought I had a Dild’o but it turned out to be a hoax :(
I prefer to refer to a group of dildos as a posse. Because its something you organize, not just throw together.
My vote is for Gargle. Just say that shit out loud: A GARGLE OF DILDOS!
That’s the porridge that Goldilocks ate.
Something tells me this isn’t the first time Zac Efron has been the subject of a pap smear.
The Zac Effron Dildo Meltdown is pretty good but I liked their first album before they went mainstream better.
Finding Zac Effron in front of a dildo display is like trying to find Waldo.
Edit. John Wayne beat me to this joke by a dildo length.
(*30s newscaster voice*) “Doot doo doot dootoot doo doot… This just in! Lindsay Lohan dodges a burlap sack full of truck nutz hurled at the starlet by an obsessed fan!”
This was wonderful to recite in my head, including the beeping.
A quiver of dildos, perhaps? I like to pack my dildos like a medieval archer.
Indeed, “quiver” is the correct terminology. And, FYI, Zac Efron is like the William Tell of twinks. I’ve heard he can nail a pap square in the asshole from 60 yards out.
/No homo
(*Tries to erase comment — Fails — Chases down Uproxx editor*)
I feel we’re all overlooking the word “glowing”. Are ravers in NYC bigger than I’m used to or are is there an underground midget Star Wars-themed cock fighting epidemic?
Let’s be honest Zac, those “young fans” were the only ones who saw The Paperboy, so GIVE THEM MORE SEXUAL EMASCULATION!
It wasn’t so much that he was “surrounded by an array of glowing dildos” as (pick one):
a) the dildos were bowing down to him and chanting “All hail our Glorious Leader!”
b) he had one in each hand and two hanging out of his mouth like giant fangs, and was dancing around singing the Chipmunks’ hit “Witch Doctor.”
c) he had written “Selena” on one, and “Beibs” on another with a Sharpie.
d) they were “Justin Beiber Brand Extra Small Dildos.”
edit to c) “Vanessa” on one and “Zac” on another (sorry, got my sexually-ambiguous tween-idols mixed up)
I’m thinking buddy cop movie with the Tennessee Butt-chugger. Butt-chugging Dildo Lovers might be a little too on-the-nose, but, come on, the thing practically writes itself.
The only thing I miss about my old NYC commute is seeing the hilariously tacky, usually-in-bad-taste covers of the NYP at the news stands.
So he’ll make a movie with dildoes, but he doesn’t want his photo taken with them? WTF?
All the dildo jokes have been made so I’ll just say, am I the only one who’s bothered by the absence of a question mark in the title “Are We Officially Dating”? If I am I’ll just shut up.
I’ll second ya. I went as high up the ladder (pretty high) with Sony about the missing question mark in “How Do You Know”. You’ll notice that the DVD cover now features — no question mark. Dammit!
The last line in your post is essentially calling the dude ‘gay.’ That is not cool. We’re probably a majority of liberal dorks here so you’re joke can pass given we know the general attitude. But really, “pretty boys near dildos are fags jokes” are for fox news.
Why do you think I prefaced it with “here’s the obvious joke so I don’t have to read it 20 times in the comments.” Context.