I’d never heard of this movie before today, but I’m loving this business-casual football idea. Look how formal-yet-approachable he looks! They should all have to wear a collared shirt and leather shoes and unwrinkled slacks (no denim!). Another new rule is that you’re legally down by contact if your knee, elbow, or back hit the ground, or if your cell phone falls out of its holster. League MVP? Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Can’t throw or run or tackle for shit, but the man can wear the hell out of a skinny tie.
And here’s the trailer. Curious, I assumed from the poster that this was a period piece, but the trailer seems to be contemporary. Maybe that’s why his career was cut short. I see your problem right there, dude. You were trying to play in pads from the 60s.
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Ha, “Drew Pillsbury.” I bet he gets poked in the tummy more than your mom gets poked in the clit biscuit. Good heavens, I really went blue there, didn’t. I apologize. I typed pillsbury and all of a sudden I had biscuits on the brain. Anyway, this looks, uh… yeah. Menopausy. What are those two dudes arguing about back there, anyway, who’s going to pay her alimony? Ha, ZING! Take that, cougars. That’ll teach you to outlive your youth.
Here’s a trailer for Black Gold. Texas Tea. Oil, that is.
The floating heads would seem to indicate adventure, the turbans gravitas. Here, I made my own poster. It’s… similar.
I like the direct approach. I suppose ‘TURBANS & GUYLINER” was also an option.
Get it? The O is a ring. Also, say what you will about Uma Thurman, she has great breasts.
Factual Note: Movie came out in limited release in April, directed by Fonzi’s son, Max Winkler, I posted the trailer here. I know you never would have guessed it from the poster, but that guy on the right is the pompous ass Uma’s character is marrying, and the guy on the left is the average Joe in love with her. If only they could’ve somehow communicated that visually.
Here’s the poster for Angelina Jolie’s debut film about forbidden love in the Balkans. I see blood, but where’s the honey? Is it implied as a euphemism for sex by the two silhouettes about to make out? F that noise, homey, if you’re going to go that literal with the rest of the poster, I want to see some goddamn honey.
Here’s the poster for John Carter, which used to be called John Carter of Mars. I don’t know if you know this or not, but Mars is known as “The Red Planet.”
I have to say, I’m finding the animation style here very appealing. But it could just be that The Lorax kind of looks like my grandpa. “Hey, Vincenzo! Wassa matta for you, why donna you eat-a more-a meat-a-balls? You guana make-a you grandma cry. I slappa you face. Mangia, mangia.”
Zac Efron in a Nicholas Sparks movie, my God, I cannot WAIT for this. Look at that blinding sunlight. Didn’t I tell you blinding sunlight means Jesus? Didn’t I? Anyway, remember last time Zac Efron made a Nick Sparks movie? He plays a Marine in this one (WORLD’S BUTCHEST MARINE), but I’m betting he turned down some kind of cello scholarship at Yale to serve his country. Nick Sparks always uses abandoned scholarships to illustrate devotion.
Aw, crap, they made a Men in Black 3? This poster hurts my eyes. That makes me old, doesn’t it.
This magic eye poster sucks, all I see is Will Smith’s face.
I would think if you had a “killer hand,” you wouldn’t be trying to spice things up with the auto-erotic stuff, AM I RIGHT? I’m sorry, that was a horrible joke. I got nothin’. It’s a cool poster, I guess.
Here’s the trailer:
I watched that whole thing, and the most memorable part for me was the restaurant called “Wang’s Palace of Beefy Soup.” Sounds like a nickname for my underpants!
Chances are, you look at this and think “HAHA, STUPID FOREIGNERS!” But then I imagine what people must think of us when they see posters for Jack and Jill or Bucky Larson. Bad comedy has a way of transcending the language barrier.
Basically, Servitude is a Canadian Waiting. The main character is actually a dude named Josh, even though they photoshopped him into a lesbian in the poster. A fairly pretty one too. Heck, I’d hit it. He looks so lesbian you hardly notice how lesbian Dave Foley looks.
I liked Garden State. There, I said it.
[Posters via IMPA]