This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with this poster for Blade Runner 2049, which seems to have a hot side and a cold side. It’s the McDLT of posters! Remember that? It stood for “McDonald’s Lettuce and Tomato,” and it had two compartments, for keeping the cold lettuce and tomato from touching the hot meat and cheese. Because in the ’80s, fresh vegetables were a rare delicacy. I’ve digressed, but the point is, they put the faces and names on the corresponding sides here which pleases me.
Blade Runner? More like Rain Runner, am I right? (I apologize for this). Anyway I really like that they silhouetted the rain drops inside the font. It really emphasizes the rain.
Why isn’t Harrison Ford’s hair wet? In fact he looks completely dry. I’m starting to think this whole rain thing is a sham. Blade Rainer. I hate you all.
It’s really inspiring to know that I could one day come up with a pull quote as half-assed and lazy as “the grand slam of sports movies” and someone could deem it compelling enough to put on a poster. “Raging Bull — it’s a knock out!” “Days of Thunder— it’s the Sprint Cup of sports movies.” “Tin Cup — it’s the grand slam of sports movies.”
It’s incredible, but it turns out this sports movie is a perfect metaphor for the sport it depicts, how about that? Anyway, I like Shia LaBeouf’s John McEnroe hair.
This poster for Brad’s Status might be the week’s strangest. It looks like Ben Stiller is being pecked to death by this kid’s sentient shadow. Either that or the shadow is just standing practically on top of him, breathing heavily into his face. What that’s meant to communicate I’m not sure, but it’s… uh… well I can’t say intriguing, exactly, but it’s certainly something.
Well this is terrifying. “Have you ever wanted to replicate the experience of a bad drug trip? It’s a two-hour, hellishly introspective nightmare!”
Hey. Y’all talkin’ ’bout Dina?
This is a nice example of acting like we already know the subject to trick us into thinking we need to know about the subject. A.k.a. the ol’ pop quiz. Dang it, I knew I should’ve studied! I admit I’m vaguely curious. Who’s Dina? Did she invent normcore? I assume we’ll find out at some point.
Whoa, too soon, Geostorm, too soon.
Also, I’m fascinated by the plane up there. Did they think we needed the plane to add scale?
I like to think that this font is called “Showman.”
The obvious question here is, “Wait, there was a Houses That October Built 1?” Apparently there was, friends. Anyway, I’ve long contended that all horror movies are about a haunted house or a creepy little kid, but perhaps we need to add a new category for Scary Masked People Wearing Hoodies after The Purge. By the way, I just looked up the synopsis for this on IMDb and it was too good not to share:
Recovering from the trauma of being kidnapped last Halloween by the Blue Skeleton – a group who take “extreme haunt” to another level – five friends decide they must face their fears in order to move on.
EXTREME HAUNTING! Oh God… is that… is that ghost chugging Monster Energy drink?
Hmm, this guy does not match what I’ve been taught to assume about Jamaica. I’m getting a very Queen of Versailles vibe from this. Are we thinking portrait of out-of-touch robber baron? It’s a good poster, so I’ll bite:
JAMAICA MAN is a subjective documentary profile of British expat Nigel Pemberton directed by Michael Weatherly. Inspired narratively by Spalding Gray and visually by Slim Aarons, the film is a highly stylized and unconventional portrait of a raconteur nearing the end of his life. [IMDb]
Huh. I guess it’s about a rich guy who lives in Jamaica?
I did not expect the guy from The Kid Stays in The Picture and Montage of Heck to choose Jane Goodall as his next subject. Anyway, GRRR, FUTURA FONT.
This is the first of a big batch of character posters for Kingsman: The Golden Circle, which already kind of feels more like a costume party than a movie, so I’m not sure the action figure diorama was the greatest choice for poster style. Sidenote: Is that a flask belt buckle?
Hey, it’s that guy from Narcos! Uh… Juan Narcos. And his wife, Imelda Narcos. It seems weird that he gets to be whiskey. If a guy was going to be whiskey, I’d have chosen the one with the flask belt buckle, but that’s just me.
And Jeff Bridges is Champagne? Huh, sure, why not. They all look like rich oilmen from Texas, but that could just be how British people see all Americans.
I was sort of onboard until I got to Halle Berry dressed up like Ben Whishaw. Nah.
And here we have our hero, Nigel Earthtones.
Is Mother! a haunted house movie? Discuss. Anyway, I guess Jennifer Lawrence is the sun in this? I’ll allow it.
Get ready for “Sexy Weirdos In A House,” the new film from the horned up ballerinas guy.
This new batch of watercolor-style posters for My Little Pony is oddly reminiscent of Suicide Squad.
Damn, Tempest Shadow looks bad ass. Is she the only my little pony with hooves?
The star tattoo on the ass seems like overkill.
Of course the Storm King has cloven hooves. Always with the cloven hooves. Goats must’ve done some pretty messed up stuff in biblical times to get such a bad rep.
Michael Peña feels like perfect voice casting for the grubby punk warthog and I can’t put my finger on why.
Do all the ponies have ass tattoos? It makes sense for a character voiced by “Ashleigh.” I feel like 75% of people named “Ashleigh” have ass tattoos.
Is this the official font of American Hero movies? American Hero Ultrabold? Anyway, “Granite Mountain Hotshots” was a way better title than Only The Brave and they shouldn’t have changed it.
It’s a bad sign when your biggest selling points are Scott Eastwood’s wooden visage and the writer of the worst Fast/Furious movie.
Proud Mary has the best posters. If this isn’t an awesome blaxploitation version of Atomic Blond I’m going to be so disappointed.
This poster is so strong I almost don’t need to see the movie.
Anyone know what the lines are supposed to be? Serious question.
What this movie presupposes is… what if all the animals had Dreamworks Face?
This new Thor movie looks really pointy.
“A friend request most sinister” sounds like a joke concept, but here we are.
Remember how I said “lots of debris flying everywhere” is the hot new poster trend? Here’s a great example of it. Hell yeah, Orlando, you shoot that hurricane.