If I had to think of two actors other than Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra whose presence alone is guaranteed to make a movie shitty, I think my top two would be The Rock and Brendan Fraser. And guess what? They’ve both been cast in the G.I. Joe movie.
Oh, and lest you think I created that picture on the right to make this look really gay… um, you’re wrong, bro. Fraser will play Gung Ho, the guy with the fu manchu and the Village People hat, and The Rock will play Shipwreck, a Navy SEAL (which sounds tough until you realize he wears a sailor cap and carries a double-barrelled penis gun). Bang-bang, you’re fabulous!
Add Vin Diesel to this and it’s pretty much a two-hour Banana Smoothie video. Heck, I’d rather watch gay porn than G.I. Joe – at least with gay porn there’s a 50% chance Stephen Sommers didn’t direct it.