Friday Free For All: The Masturbating Koala

By: 11.30.12  •  15 Comments

Phew, now that Marvel’s whole sexism kerfuffle is over with, we can go back to focusing on the important things, like this video of a koala tuggin’ off. You’d think koalas, who sleep 20 hours a day because of the psychoactive drugs in the eucalyptus leaves they eat (koalas: nature’s stoners), would masturbate in a sleepy, lackadaisical fashion. But quite the opposite is true. Turns out, koalas masturbate like rabbits f*ck. I bet before this, some koala broad was all, “Not now, Angus, I’m sleepy!” And Angus here was all, “Foine, ya think Oy need a Shiela, Oi’ll jus go finish meself off meself!” Hrrrrnnnnggghhhh….

At least, that’s how I imagine masturbating koalas talk. You know how koalas do. Koalas are so cute, he probably ejaculates glitter and cuddles.

Because I love you and I want you to be happy, here is an additional video a tortoise having sex with a child’s tricycle.

“Threesome? Nah, but I f*cked a trike once.” -This tortoise, playing I Never.

[koala via YaBaboon, Tortoise via Robopanda]

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