Viggo Mortensen’s penis returning to big screen

Senior Editor
03.30.10 38 Comments

I’m usually not a fan of sequels, but given Eastern Promise‘s twist ending*(spoiler) and the fact that it kinda stopped in the middle of the second act, it might be kind of cool.  Deadline reports that Viggo Mortensen and director David Cronenberg are both set to return for the sequel, but only after they work together on the Talking Cure, about Sigmund Freud.

Knowing that all movies are in 3D now, this can mean only one thing.  That’s right, a naked, 25-minute, Viggo-Mortensen-wiener-flopping knife fight scene in 3D.  I. Can’t.  Wait.  I won’t even have to do the wiener-in-the-popcorn-box trick, because the popcorn will already be full of Viggo Mortensen’s wiener, thanks to the 3D technology.

*At the end, we learn Viggo is actually a spy working under license from the British Government to infiltrate the Russian mafia, just like I did last summer between ballet camps.

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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