08.27.07 10 years ago 11 Comments

So a while back, Warner Brothers hired Tim Burton to make Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.  What's it about, you ask?

In the film/play, Todd’s victims are sat in a mechanical chair, where they are subject to a slice across their throats, before a trap door in the floor opens and they slide down a chute into the lair of Todd’s mistress, Mrs Lovett (played by Helena Bonham Carter), who uses the dead bodies to make her meat pies.

And now, being the geniuses that they are, WB execs are asking Burton to re-cut the movie to get a PG-13 rating.  You just know that these are the same guys that think, "Hey, Showgirls was a cult classic, why don't we show it on the USA network?  All we have to do is edit the naked scenes."  

I saw actual footage of JFK getting his head blown off probably 30 times in JFK on network TV, but on the same channel I have to hear John MacClaine shouting "Yippie kai yay, Mr. Falcon!" in Die Hard.  People knew for years that Grand Theft Auto involved selling drugs and beating hookers to death with a bat, but when the truth about pixellated nipplage came out, congress had to get involved.  Jesus, people are stupid.  

That's it, I'm moving north to live with the baby polar bears


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