Weekend Movie Guide: Your Mirror Is Broken

By: 03.30.12  •  20 Comments

Why couldn't this be Wicker Man?

Opening Everywhere: Mirror Mirror, Wrath of the Titans, Goon

Opening Somewhere: Bully

FilmDrunk Suggests: You’re probably going to see The Hunger Games for the first time or again, but people are going crazy over Bully if you want to go watch a documentary and feel like a dick for always picking on the fat quiet kid in your math class. What’s he doing now? Probably blogging.

It's like he's being forced to watch Mirror Mirror.

Mirror Mirror

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 51% critics, 56% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Relying heavily on slapstick comedy for laughs, it’s fortunate that director Tarsem Singh (Immortals, The Fall) has assembled a brilliant ensemble cast who more than adequately rise to the occasion. As for the film’s leads, Armie Hammer, besides being an almost ridiculously perfect physical embodiment of a Prince, also proves himself to be a more than competent comedian, with props also going to Lily Collins for managing to make her often cornball dialogue seem somewhat credible.” – Catherine Brown, Film Ink (Props? I seriously hate bloggers sometimes.)

“This is such a delight this film, it’s been so cleverly written by Melissa Wallack and Jason Keller who’ve milked every opportunity for subversive feminist comedy. Director Tarsem Singh Dhandwar not only keeps the action rolling along he has elicited the most fabulous performance from Julia Roberts, and the rest of the cast are top notch too.” Margaret Pomeranz, At the Movies (I need to point out that no actual, legitimate critics have reviewed this film yet, and these reviews were both from Australia, where PR teams undoubtedly pay top dollar for poster quotes.)

[VINCE’S UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE!]

“Roberts’ queen sits around camping it up in acres of taffeta while lobbing dull one-liners, consulting her reflection and telling her retainer (Nathan Lane) to kill the girl. The queen doesn’t bother to check on the results, though she does turn the servant into a cockroach, which yields a joke about Lane’s character getting raped by a grasshopper.” -Kyle Smith, NYPost

“Not since Francis Ford Coppola slapped his daughter Sofia into “Godfather III” have we seen a lead performance this dull, whispered and charisma free.” -Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel

Armchair Analysis: I wanted to be fair when jumping to conclusions about this film that I will probably be watching sometime around November, if you catch my drift, and so I consulted my own magical mirror to ask if this movie was worth watching this weekend. And my mirror punched me in the nuts.

[Vince’s Note: It’s interesting to note that Tarsem Singh recently told The Hollywood Reporter that he’s been purposely choosing scripts that were badly written to give him more leeway to pretty them up with crazy visuals, and he includes Mirror Mirror in that assessment:

Tarsem’s previous efforts include The CellThe Fall and Immortals – three films hailed for their visual style but frequently criticized for weak storytelling. He admitted that he actively sought less complex material in the past so that he could imprint his influence upon it. “I told the guys involved at CAA that it’s going to get difficult for them, because from now, guess what? I would like to read responsible scripts,” he recalled. “People were like, ‘wait a minute? You mean we’ve given you crap?’ and I said yes.”

I’m sure his screenwriters were thrilled to hear that.]

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