Opening This Weekend
The Eye – I don’t like Jessica Alba because when she was on Punk’d she acted all put out because a naked guy was in the store with her. Whatever, prude. As I tell the neighborhood children, God chiseled this junk in his own image. Anyway, this remake of a Hong Kong horror movie looks about as interesting as Jessica Alba herself.
Over Her Dead Body – Oh hey, it’s Eva Longoria, someone even more boring and annoying. I hate it, but I’ve also never seen it or anything else she’s been in. Let’s hear what the critics have to say. "So bland, lifeless, and unimaginative, I wanted to poke the screen to see if it was really there." "The line is fine between cute and annoying." Hey, nice rhyme. Let me try: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, rather than see this movie, I’d stab myself in the brain.
Strange Wllderness – In fairness to Happy Madison, I thought Grandma’s Boy looked atrocious, but it really wasn’t too bad. However, the Strange Wilderness TV spot has stoner laughing dubbed over footage of a shark, and they apparently thought it was so funny that they repeat the clip twice. Getting stoned and watching the discovery channel > watching Strange Wilderness. Oh well, fellas, thanks for the idea.
Winners this weekend: Blockbuster, Netflix, going outside, crying yourself to sleep.