Well this is amazing. After three movies, the Step Up franchise, or as I like to think of it, the house that C-Tates built, is still going strong. The latest installment (previously called Step Up 4Ever) just released a trailer. It’s called “Step Up: Revolution,” and I swear to you this is the actual tagline: “It’s not just a step, it’s a revolution!” Basically, the plot is that Miami’s hottest all-white dance crew is busy setting the town on fire with their unzipped hoodies and sex appeal. One day they go to where the minorities hang out in order to build up the street cred, and a wise old Cuban man is all like, “Mira, ju putos son pretty goo for gringos. Ju okay by me, mang. Here, let me teach ju the handchake of my people.”
But just when they’ve been accepted by the ethnic types and it seems like everything is perfect, the old man is like, “Mira, have ju heard of thees Mega Globo Omni Corps? They tryeen to destroy my people’s way of life.”
Then Peter Gallagher shows up, and he’s all like, “As the official representative of The Man, it is my duty to inform you that I’ll be tearing down the rec center so that all these beaners have more time to carve me some elevator buttons after we clear cut the forest.”
Then Not C-Tates is all, “Yo, girl, we gots ta stop this fool’s hella whack plans! I mean I ain’t had to use a serious face like dis since my moms got remarried!”
“But what do we do, Tyler/Connor/Cody??”
“The only thing we know how, girl. Call every black person you know.”
“YO. I think this white bitch cray. …But maybe ‘cray’ is zactly what we need.” (*wry looks, bro hugs all around*)
STEP UP 2 THA REVOLUTION! A REVOLUTION OF STEPPING, LIKE FOR REAL!
“WHAT? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, YOU ARE RUINING MY FANCY LUNCHEON! DON’T YOU KNOW I’M PETER GALLAGHER?? YOU’VE SCUTTLED MY MEETING WITH A TEAM OF JAPANESE INVESTORS!”
YOU CAN’T STOP OUR STEPPING. IT’S MORE THAN JUST A STEP: IT’S A REVOLUTION! NOT EVEN MEGA GLOBO OMNI CORP CAN STOP THE PEOPLE!
“Noooo, even the police have turned on me! MY EMPIRE IS CRUMBLING!!!!”
(*bro hugs until fade out*)
“Maybe y’all white folks is alright.”