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10.31.08 21 Comments

As much as I like to make fun of Tom Cruise for being the leader of a retard cult who’s been “acting” for almost 30 years yet can’t even do a British accent, Valkyrie does still come from Bryan Singer and Chris McQuarrie, and they’re two of the best at what they do.

After about a billion delays, Valkyrie is finally opening December 26th, and UA has just released the final trailer.  Cruise plays Klaus Von Stauffenberg, a guy who tried to kill Hitler.  He’s a hero in Germany because he lets Germans say, “See?  We weren’t all bad, there was that one guy!”  Then you ask what happened to him and they get all quiet, “Well, uh, well you see, um, what happened was…”  Sorry?  You trailed off a little there.  “Yeah.  We, uh, executed him by firing squad.  …Oh, and uh, after we buried him? Hehe, this is a funny story… We, um, well, we dug up his body, took off his medals, and had him cremated.  …That dude was f-ckin cool though.”

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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