(Image courtesy SyFy.)
1099 A.D.: A battle-weary knight leads his men home from the Holy Land after years of fighting. But the supposedly holy relic he’s carrying bears a terrible curse, and now a murderous demon has been unleashed. It’s up to Sir Gregory and some unlikely allies to battle this unholy scourge and stop the spread of an unspeakable evil.
Since this is a SyFy movie, only an awful, too-literal, overly-verbose title would be appropriate. Some examples:
- James Frain and Not-Julianne-Moore versus Some Demon
- Sir Gaifrain and the Supposedly Holy Relic (Which Is Undoubtedly Cursed)
- Holy Sh*t, A Demon Is Chasing Us
- James Frain and Not-Julianne-Moore Go To White Castle
- Sir Gregory’s Big Adventure
- You’ll Watch Anything, Won’t You?
- Oh snap! There’s a demon behind you.
- Needs More Lorenzo Lamas
- Demon Knight [What do you mean, that's already taken?]
I have to give credit to comedian Patrice O’Neal for pointing out the difference between SyFy movie titles and everything else. Below is the NSFW audio of Patrice on Opie and Anthony. During the show Opie, Anthony, Danny, the listeners, and (most of all) Patrice renamed real sci-fi movies as SyFy originals. I made a list of their classic movies re-titled for SyFy:
Jurassic Park = “Dinosaur Forest”
Jaws = “Teeth”
Close Encounters of the Third Kind = “Alien Mountain” or “Alien Notes”
Iron Man = “Steel Dude”
Star Wars = “Galactic Fighting”
The Terminator = “Robot Killer (from the future)”
Cloverfield = “Cloverfield” or “New York Monster”
Mars Attacks = “Red Chaos from Beyond”
Planet of the Apes = “Simians versus Humans”
12 Monkeys = “Eek Eek”
The Matrix = “Help, I’m Trapped in the Computer!”
The Matrix Reloaded = “Your Bullets are Slow”
Back to the Future = “Time Car” or “Future Change”
Predator = “Space Jungle Hunter”
(audio includes swearing)
I want more like this!
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