Awww yeah, son. You ready for some hot whale-on-Barry-Bostwick* action? You know you is. Mockbuster studio The Asylum is finally telling the story of Herman Melville’s Moby Dick the way it was meant to be told, with helicopters and explosions. Can you handle the intensity of “a submarine commander off the reservation with a boatload full of nukes”? Can you take the Bostwick gravitas of lines like:
- “I’d strike the Sun if it insulted me!”
- “I’ve seen it with my own eyes. It took my leg in ’69.”
- “Howie’s [?] not a whale. He’s the devil himself!”
Call me Ishmael. *guitar solo*
2010: Moby Dick goes straight to DVD and yo’ mamma’s bedroom November 30th.
* Sorry, I meant Golden Globe winner Barry Bostwick. Awww sh-t, son. There be awards and sh-t all up in this piece. CHUCH.