Gabe and Tycho over at Penny Arcade have a truly hilarious and epic email chain from a reader, Dave, that’s pretty much a complete and detailed guide on how to fail, miserably, at customer service. Dave was smart enough, at a certain point, to just cc the whole thing to Kotaku and Penny Arcade.
It goes through the four stages of douchery. Vagueness:
To: Ocean Marketing
I ordered 2 of the upcoming PS3 controllers (invoice xxxxxxxxx—Nov 3, 2011). Any chance of getting an update of when these items will ship? I’m not really happy about being forced to pay upfront then have the advertised date of “Early December” be completely missed without any sort of update on availability. I really need one of them for a X-mas present as well. Anyways, looking forward to finally using one of these bad boys. Thanks and happy holidays.
From: Ocean Marketing
– Paul Christoforo
Things happen in manufacturing if your unhappy you have 7 days from the day your item ships for a refund. You placed a pre order just like any software title the gets a date moved due to the tweaks and bugs not being worked out and GameStop or any other place holds your cash and im sure you don’t complain to activision or epic games so put on your big boy hat and wait it out like everyone else. The benefit is a token of our appreaciation for everyone no one is special including you or any first time buyer .
Even More Arrogance:
LOL Thanks for the Free PR I know the Editor N Chief of Kotaku , IGN , Engadget I’ll be meeting them at CES .
No, you don’t. No, you won’t.
And finally, Stupidity:
Were in 6 countries and you’re not going to take my money for a booth that’s a crock I can guarantee I’ll get a booth if I want one money buys a lot and connections go even further. He’s a native Bostonian from Little Italy . Who are you again ?
Just a note from a Boston resident here: this guy has zero connections in Boston. I know this because the Italian neighborhood around here is A) called the North End and B) is a couple of miles from the Hynes Convention Center, where they hold PAX. Also, if the implication is that he knows a gangster, he’ll have to try harder, because all the organized crime here is run by guys from Southie.
You have to go to Penny Arcade for the full chain, but it’s truly something hilarious and special.