We’ve picked the thirty-two absolute worst episodes. We’ve argued their merits and demerits. And we finally have a winner.
And that winner is….
“These Are The Voyages…”
Here’s what you had to say about it, that aptly sums up why it wins the bracket better than we ever could:
Voyages took us to the worst point ever- that of no return. There was no chance for redemption and for that it’ll get my final (frontier) vote.
I’m reminded of an old debate between Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel. One week they both reviewed the Robert DiNero movie “The Mission” and the fluff children’s film “Benji: The Hunted” (the one where Benji takes care of 4 mountain lion cubs, awwww). Ebert gave “The Mission” thumbs down, “Benji” thumbs up. Siskel accused him of basically saying Benji was the better movie. Ebert’s very correct response was that “The Mission” was aiming to be brilliant high drama and failed, but “Benji: The Hunted” was aiming to be a cute fluff children’s film and succeeded.
“Profit and Lace”, while awful and representing how much the Trek producers often couldn’t care less about either the fans or the show, is aiming to be a cheap comic relief farce. “These Are the Voyages…” is aiming to be the final thesis point of a four year drama, bringing in elements to respect the decades long history of Star Trek…and horribly, horribly, horribly failed.
Enterprise ended with Riker and Troi taking a tour of the NX-01 and us viewers returning to a story that we saw the conclusion to two decades ago.
That’s it. No character growth. No Journey’s End. Star Trek: Enterprise ended with “Pegasus Part 1 1/2″. The only saving grace would have been Archer’s speech. The speech that led the foundation of the United Federation of Planets would have been the perfect end to Enterprise, but instead we go back to Poochie 1 and 2 teasing us with “It was one hell of a speech. Now lets talk to Picard and tell him what I said 21 years ago.”
Almost every single second of “Voyages…” was awful. The only part remotely enjoyable was the final scene featuring the three Enterprise captain voice-overs. And even that was only enjoyable partly due to it being the END of the episode. Why did Trip die? Who the hell were these aliens? Why were Mayweather and Hoshi STILL ensigns?! Why wasn’t Frakes forced to wear a girdle or something?!
After I watched ‘These are the Voyages’ everything tasted like tinfoil for a week.
For me, I will always remember ‘These Are The Voyages’ with bitterness and antipathy for the way they ended it. ‘Profit and Lace’ is a crap episode buried among 7 seasons of a good show. The least Berman and Braga could have done was attempt to give ENT a proper send off. Another early Federation plots would have been nice. Diving into the minutiae of Trek trivia and canon would have been welcome. They skimped and wrote and steaming pile of crap. Screw you Berman and Braga. I hope something you love catches on fire.
Also, we have a winner, and that winner is…The Evil Twin!
One problem: I promised a Nitpicker’s Guide for whichever series won, and apparently Phil Farrand had better things to do. So, instead, Evil, you get the first two volumes of IDW’s “Star Trek” ongoing. Because frankly, having some good Trek to cleanse your palette is pretty important.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to work on our next big project: the worst character in all of science fiction film and television.