Nintendo finally let us have a look at the next Super Smash Bros. game at E3, unveiling new combatants such as Mega Man, the somewhat unnerving Animal Crossing Villager and the Wii Fit Trainer. Wait, what?
For those who have never set foot on a Nintendo Balance Board, you never play as the Wii Fit Trainer in Wii Fit. You never fight against her either. She’s just a faceless on-screen figure that guides you through yoga poses. The inclusion of the Wii Fit Trainer in the latest Smash Bros. really opens things up — fighters no longer need to be playable characters, bad guys or, really, even characters at all! Any tutorial figure or random NPC can be a fighter now!
So, here are a few other super obscure non-playable Nintendo characters that I think should also join the Smash Bros. line-up…
The best part of Nintendo’s only semi-useful 3DS messaging app Swapnote is its rather adorable little mascot Nikki. She’s just so darn serious about sending elaborately doodled notes! Also, the glasses.
Sample move: Nikki whips out her pen and draws a random (yet cute) weapon she can use to pummel her opponents with.
From: The Brain Age series
Dr. Kawashima is of course the slightly menacing Zordon-like floating face of Nintendo’s “Stave off senility with these math puzzles old people!” Brain Age series. It’s about time he started making your face hurt as much as your brain.
Sample move: Dr. Kawashima transforms into his devil form and devours your soul. Or, uh, knocks you off the platform. Whichever.
From: The Legend of Zelda series
Bet you thought I’d be going with Tingle from the Zelda series? Unfortunately, Tingle’s actually been the star of several games (none of which have been brought to North America) so I went with a reoccurring Zelda character who’s almost equally creepy/annoying — Beedle, the insect-obsessed travelling salesman.
Sample move: Beedle sends his bug collection to strip the flesh from your bones.
From: A bunch of NES games
Before settling on plumber and part time doctor as his vocations of choice, Mario seemed to be seriously considering becoming a professional referee in the early NES days, showing up to call the shots in Tennis and make the count in Punch-Out. Dr. Mario was a separate character in Smash Bros. Melee, so there’s precedent for this sort of thing.
Sample move: The countdown. If Referee Mario can count down from 10 without being interrupted, all the other characters are sent sailing over the horizon.
From: Nintendo Land
Monita is the rage inducing, exasperatingly long-winded floating instructional robot from Nintendo Land. I’m mostly just including him because I desperately dream of shutting Monita up.
Sample move: No moves for you Monita — you just float there and take your beating.
The Wii Fit Piggy Bank
From: Wii Fit
Obviously once gamers get a taste of the Wii Fit Trainer, they’re going to demand more characters from Wii Fit. So how about the weird little clock/piggy bank that holds your Wii Fit tokens? I can assure you, the little guy actually has way more personality than the Trainer.
Sample move: The Piggy Bank’s moves aren’t anything special in and of themselves — the twist is that he can only be controlled via shifting your weight on the Balance Board. That Nintendo, always innovating!
Little Mac’s Nintendo Fun Club loving, Carl Winslow-looking trainer.
Sample move: The bad rub. Everyone knows tapping “select” will make Doc give you a lovely, health restoring shoulder rub. You don’t want to know what the bad rub does.
From: Animal Crossing
How the generic Villager made into onto the Smash Bros. roster before singing sensation K.K. Slider I don’t know. Hopefully K.K. plants a pit trap outside the Villager’s door and takes his place.
Sample move: The devastating Concert Smash (only available from 8pm – 12am on Saturdays).
The Nintendo Budgie
From: Various DSi and 3DS apps
Have you not bought a 3DS yet? Well here’s something to entice you — the system is full of parakeets. Yes, for whatever reason some 3DS pack-in software, like the Camera and Sound apps convey instructions via pudgy little budgies. Why? Nintendo, that’s why!
Sample move: The Nintendo Budgie can mimic any other character’s voice. It’s not terribly useful, but it’s pretty cute.
So, that’s my list. Any obscure non-playable Nintendo characters you’d like to see make the Smash Bros. roster? Hit the comments and share with the group.