When we last checked in with Star Wars: Episode VII, Peter Mayhew was cast as Chewbacca once again. This seems to have angered Harrison Ford, who has some real problems with that “Wookiee sack of sh*t“. Ford went to J.J. Abrams and said “It’s him or me” and Abrams decided who would go the only fair way: a Star Wars trivia contest. The first question was “Who shot first: Han or Greedo?” Ford’s answer made it clear that there wouldn’t be any more questions. Ford was quickly replaced by this rug, and all of Han Solo’s lines were taken away. How they’re going refreeze and flatten Han is anyone’s guess.
That was an excerpt from my Star Wars casting fan-fiction, which is very popular among my cats. It was inspired by the Han Solo in Carbonite rug, which is also very popular among my cats. It’s pretty classy, as far as Han Solo in Carbonite home accessories go. The rug is available for purchase over at ThinkGeek, and costs $50 or $70, depending on the size. That may seem a bit steep if you shop exclusively at Ikea, like I do. But it’s actually pretty frugal compared to the $7,000 a life-sized replica will run you.
it might not seem like the most practical purchase, but it totally is. Who doesn’t need a rug? and why would you settle for just any rug, when you can have a Han Solo in Carbonite rug? I bought two! I put one in the hallway, and the other one hangs on the wall in my home office. I’m using it as inspiration to stop worrying about what I eat, and start letting myself go. Next, I’m going to dress my cats up as Gamorrean Guards, and then I’ll force my girlfriend to wear a gold bikini and dance for me. I’m pretty sure this is the best idea I’ve ever had. Even better than when I started that backyard wrestling federation with my friends. We had a real blast, until Gregg fell off the roof.
This post is dedicated to the memory of Gregg “Whitey the Gangsta” McGowan, 1976-1995.