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I’m Trying To Be Mad About Pink Spider-Man Toys But Am Failing

By 05.01.14
Amazing Spider-Man 2 Happy Meal Toys

McDonald's


By now we should already know that McDonald’s is terrible. But everyone’s still excited when the McRib makes a comeback, and personally I think the McRib tastes like a flip flop covered in equally appetizing barbecue sauce, so it’s a futile endeavor to try and protest every time they come up with a new line of stupidly gendered toys for their Happy Meals. I mean, just this year already they thought cutting all the female characters out of Adventure Time was a great idea.

So now that McDonald’s Amazing Spider-Man 2 line of promotional tat has been rolled out for Happy Meals everywhere, it’s obvious that the amount they care about how sexist they look is negligible.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 Happy Meal Toys

McDonald's


Okay, the “boy” toys are action figures and a light up car and a mask. Look, we’ve all been eight year olds and we’ve all had Happy Meals — unless you have lived an incredibly sheltered life and then I don’t know how to talk to you so stop reading this. Those kids meal action figures are kind of crappy now, anyway. This is not the 80s and we’re no longer able to collect anthropomorphized versions of our food while we’re eating the food they’ve given a face to.

So, hooray, a Spidey spinning top! Do you have any idea how fun a top is? ASK A JEWISH KID ABOUT DREIDELS VERSUS ANY OTHER TOY EVER, THEY WILL TELL YOU.

Meanwhile the “girl” toys include a watch ring and a journal, so you can note at exactly what time you told someone to go F themselves when it was implied that owning pink accessories means you’re less capable of kicking someone’s ass. Because I’ll be honest, I want that headband. It probably won’t fit me and it will be uncomfortable as hell but I want that headband. I’m willing to eat many chicken nuggets to get it. That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

If I find out that that pink Spidey “clutch” — which is actually a hard-sided container — is big enough to hold an HTC One phone, I’m going to just walk up to the counter and ask to buy one outright, because it’s impossible to find fun cases for the HTC One, I don’t care how much Gary Oldman tells you to buy one.

I realize I should be more outraged about this, being female and geeky, but I’m choosing my battles. Like the Lego “girl” toy set literally being a pink kitchen. McDonald’s has a history of being stupid. Let’s take the fight somewhere else. Maybe we can challenge Taco Bell to produce toys for their breakfast meals. Buy a waffle taco, get a mini trebuchet. Siege engines are genderless!

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via Comics Alliance


TAGSAMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2Happy MealsMCDONALDSSPIDER-MANtoys

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