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Bad Robomance: Three Times The Transformers Tried (And Horribly Failed) To Get Romantic

By 06.23.14
transformers kiss players


Transformers: Kiss Players

We have two options here. The first is that this is a crossover between the Transformers and shamelessly self-promoting rock band Kiss released only in Japan. As in the KISS players, who turn into vehicles, have the full make-up, and everything you’d expect from the pile of marketing memos that passes for Gene Simmons. It’s a tacky, cynical attempt to force two fandoms to buy new toys.

That, of course, makes logical sense and happened in our reality. The other option would be an entire franchise that centers around young girls tongue-kissing Transformers and giving them magical powers, because that would be weird, even for the hardcore subset of Japanese perverts this was squarely aimed at. Something that would probably be reinforced by a manga full of rape imagery and penis-tongued robots that no just and loving deity would allow humanity to publish. And certainly this wasn’t used to actually try and consolidate all the disparate Transformers stories at the time into something that made logical sense.

Nope, that didn’t happen. We refuse to accept it. We live in a reality where Gene Simmons has a Transformer, and you can’t make us believe otherwise. Play us out, Stan Bush:

Dammit, Stan! Phrasing!

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TAGSbrain bleachRomancethe 80sthings that got horribly wrongtransformersyou've seen it you can't unsee it

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