This glorious toy that makes me hate kids these days is a Ride-in Dalek approved by the BBC and manufactured by Welsh company Kids@Play (I love their house parties). It’s 4′ 6″ tall, powered by a 6 volt battery, and is able to spin 360 degrees and travel at 3 km per hour (1.86 mph), but it still hasn’t figured out staircases. The retail price is £199 (US $316) and it comes with ten stock phrases, including “We are the superior beings!”, “Seek, locate, annihilate!”, and of course “Exterminate!”
The video is below, and I’d like to enter it into evidence for my thesis, “Kids Have It Too Damn Easy, And High-Fiber Cereal Should Taste Like Cotton Candy.” Sadly, the recommended age range for this life-changing transportation is 3 to 6 years old with a maximum weight of 30 kilograms. That weight limit still isn’t going to stop me from popping one of these and then throwing a tantrum. I don’t listen to this foreign jibba jabba about “kilograms”. Either it can handle my weight or I’ll leave its food at the top of a staircase to make it think about what it’s done. It knows.
EXTERMINATORS! Mount up: