Eyeborg Seeks Woman With Machine Gun Leg

Entertainment Editor

Picture unrelated.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one already.  A one-eyed filmmaker with a camera implanted in his eye socket seeks an open-minded, one-legged woman for fun times, paintball excursions, and interesting conversation.  MUST be willing to wear a paintball gun prosthetic leg.  No, this isn’t the start of the creepiest greatest amputee-cyborg-paintball porn ever.  This is the newest project from Canadian filmmaker Rob Spence (AKA Eyeborg), who plans to film a real-life paintball gun version of Cherry Darling from Planet Terror:

Hereʼs the basics for the real Cherry Darling.

(1) You can be from anywhere but preferably close to Toronto, where I am from. If you truly kick ass it doesn’t matter where you are, we will find a way.

(2) We are going to help build you a paint ball machine gun leg and video document the process.

(3) When it’s all over you are going to take out dozens of dudes in a paintball gun match filmed Robert Rodriguez style.

(4) Your missing leg should be machine gun appropriate. [EyeborgProject via Nerdcore]

I am going to try to work the phrase “your missing leg should be machine gun appropriate” into all conversations from now on.  Truly, words to live by.  Also, because I have an excuse, here’s a gratuitous scene of tube-topped amputee machine gun violence:

Like this, but with paintball. Also topless? *stumps crossed*

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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