Are you looking to take being a man-child to the next level? Well Hammacher Schlemmer, the makers of ridiculous toys for guys with too much money and no particular interest in having sex again have you covered.
Their latest creation? The “Bionic Boppers”, or in the words of any person who ever sees them “life-sized Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots” (the person saying that will either be impressed or incredulously shaking their head depending on whether they’re male or female).
You can actually climb inside these monstrosities, make the arms punch via joystick and move them around in slow motion (these things go up to 3 mph fellas) using the built in scooter motor and hidden wheels. We have to admit, these things are not lacking in functionality, and that’s how it ought to be considering they cost 17 thousand freakin’ dollars.
Now we’re just waiting for them to release some accessories. How about a nice flamethrower add-on? The ability to replace the generic robot head you whack away at with the heads of various celebrities and politicians? A vacuum attachment so at least you can tell your wife you were cleaning up while playing robots? Call us Hammacher Schlemmer. We’ve got more of these.