Tyrannosauraus Sex: Scientists Figure Out How Dinosaurs Did It

Photoshopped by Matt Ufford.

How exactly the dinosaurs mated despite their huge weight, scaly bits, badonkadonks, boney plates, and spikes has been a thing of speculation in science circles for awhile. Those circles are usually found in dark, smoke-filled rooms where dignity goes to die. And speaking of lost dignity, The Discovery Channel even did a Valentine’s Day special a couple of years ago on the subject of Tyrannosauraus Sex. How did they not get an Emmy for that? We didn’t watch the program, but we imagine it went like this:

Now we have even more insight into how these enormous beasts made with the two backs. Reports Blastr:

The answer is actually pretty simple. Male dinosaurs mounted female dinosaurs from behind. Like modern birds and reptiles, dinosaurs had a single orifice for both reproduction and waste disposal, called a cloaca. To mate, they simply need to press the openings together for a “cloacal kiss,” though it’s been noted that some male dinosaurs possibly did have penises to help them along (it’s even been suggested that male tyrannosaurs packed a member as big as 12 feet in length).

Twelve feet, huh? Or did it just look that large next to their tiny arms? Pfft, whatever. You think you’re better than us, T. Rex? Can you fold a pillowcase? Yeah. Didn’t think so. Loser.

Anyway, in the interests of science (our excuse for everything), we have several artists’ renderings of what dinosaur sexy time may have looked like. We’d also like to buy Jose Antonio Penas a drink.

The dinosaur sex pictures are all on the next page as they may be considered NSFW if your boss is a brontosaurus.

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