Remember that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Picard was trapped on a turbolift? So does @TNG_S8, a Twitter devoted to suggesting plots for a glorious eighth season of Star Trek: TNG. It’s an engaging story arc filled with Geordi and Data hijinks, Riker sexiness, and Picard solving problems with the clever use of common f*cking sense.
We’ve collected plot descriptions for our favorite unaired Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes below, and we would happily watch them all, even the flashback episode with nothing but turbolift footage. Thanks to Brain Confetti for the assist.
Roman centurions force Riker to fight a gorilla. There's no room for a side story here: the main plot is too epic. Also: it's a 3-parter.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) September 17, 2014
Picard must relax for a week while his new heart is delivered. GEORDI AND WORF CONTRACT A RARE SCREAMING DISEASE.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) December 19, 2012
Wesley's dino experiment mistakenly mixes with Riker's beard DNA, creating the sexy-but-dangerous Velociriker. Troi's mom tries to marry it.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) April 30, 2012
Picard must choose: caulk the Enterprise and float it across a tachyon river, or attempt to ford it. Barclay gets dysentery.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) July 29, 2013
A nymphomaniac worm controls Riker’s mind and body to seduce the Enterprise's female crew. Nobody notices, it eventually dies of old age.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 15, 2013
Wes falls in love with an alien girl whose species devours its mates. Worf's "training program" is easily beaten by non-stop shoulder rolls.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) November 30, 2011
Dead crewmen are reanimated into tech-hungry beasts by Borg microbes. Wes accidentally calls Picard "mom" in front of the entire bridge.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 19, 2012
Riker must battle the only thing in the galaxy he may not be able to defeat: A CLONE OF HIMSELF. Troi is torn.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) January 19, 2012
Geordie and Data nurse a space bird back to health, and are sad when they have to release it. Picard is trapped in a turbolift with a baby.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 18, 2011
Riker's ex-girlfriend arrives and dies, leaving behind a pile of glowing dust and a mystery. Picard is trapped on a turbolift with a horse.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 31, 2011
Picard is trapped inside a sentient turbolift. A clip show highlights the most memorable “Picard is trapped on a turbolift” moments.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) November 24, 2011
Q's back: he's wearing a kimono and unleashes dinosaurs on The Enterprise. Worf refuses to enjoy the pleasure-planet Risa.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 27, 2011
A giant alien spermatozoa attacks the Enterprise, trying to impregnate the warp core. Picard's formal uniform is a dress. Sorry, but it is.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) January 26, 2012
A duplicate Enterprise with a duplicate crew proves to be a nanobot/Borg evolutionary leap. Riker's trombone gains sentience, grows a beard.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 29, 2011
A planet of androids think Data is too human, sentence him to a memory wipe. Riker must now avoid four decks because of ex-girlfriends.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 22, 2012
The prime directive is completely ignored when Picard really wants to ride a Centaur. Geordie sleeps through the whole episode by accident.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 19, 2011
The Enterprise fills with water, Riker must swim through increasingly flooded Jefferies tubes to reach the valve. Data learns to snap.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 16, 2011
A planet of suspicious docents abduct Riker for their museum of amazing men. Geordi and Data are too excited to sleep at their sleepover.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) November 8, 2011
Worf is trapped in a holodeck version of The Odyssey. Data & Geordi throw an epic party, have to hide the evidence before Picard gets home.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) May 10, 2012
Worf visits his infuriatingly hippy grandparents. Data & Geordi's nanny teaches them that ship chores can be fun when you sing a merry song.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) September 13, 2012
Troi's new alien jewelry rewrites her DNA, altering her features and personality. Geordi & Data's staring contest is declared a stalemate.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) April 1, 2012
A bounty on Wesley attracts increasingly dangerous space mercenaries. Geordi & Data get in a fight, divide the Enterprise in half with tape.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 10, 2012
Stuck in a holo dance-off movie, Data & Geordi must boogie their way to freedom. Data's astonishing pop-locking clocks in at 500 pops/lock.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) September 6, 2012
The Enterprise must escape a temporal bubble before a nearby sun goes nova. Data and Geordi follow some train tracks to see a dead body.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 21, 2012
A computer virus disables the Enterprise and the replicators; water scarcity causes a panic. Wesley's "practice date" with Data gets weird.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) November 14, 2011
While visiting a brewery planet, Riker is forcibly indoctrinated into a cider cult. Data is completely covered in cats.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 1, 2012
Riker and Picard mistakenly abandon Data on a planet of dancing children. Someone has been touching Worf's things, he's upset.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 16, 2011
The crew discovers a planet populated by billions of Riker clones. Picard brokers peace between the bearded majority and non-bearded rebels.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) June 18, 2012
A terraforming experiment releases a rapid-growth space plant that disables the ship. Riker turns down a record five promotions in one day.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) November 28, 2011
The warp core needs to be shut down because it's full of ants. Picard and Dr. Crusher engage in a very sexy 47 min staring contest.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) October 19, 2011
Data must solely represent non-carbon-based life at a Federation symposium on galactic civil rights. Riker fights a bear.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) December 24, 2011
A pair of ensigns abuse multiple transporter “hops” to achieve a contact high, mistakenly ripping open space/time. Tribbles.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) January 7, 2012
Picard and Worf find themselves trapped in a cave. Data and Riker are stuck in a DIFFERENT cave. Troi and Wesley? Cave.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) March 8, 2012
The Enterprise is flung into the Delta Quadrant by an alien called the Caretaker. Geordi soups up the warp core and they're home by dinner.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) December 30, 2011
We’re pretty sure that last one was a real episode.
