If you thought 1987’s Superman IV: The Quest for Peace was the X-Men 3 of Superman movies, you’re more right than you realized*. Unreality found these two insanely-bad deleted scenes. How bad? They turned Bizarro Superman (“Nuclear Man #2”) into a fleshy dude with a spikey mullet who looks like a castmember of Everybody Loves Raymond, or like Larry the Cable Guy back when he was just Dan Whitney. I’m not intimidated by this Bizarro Superman; I want to sell him a bootleg Member’s Only jacket. Also watch for Jon Cryer phoning it in (probably while thinking, “I was Duckie, you bastards”) and a fight scene that makes sure you know about Burger King. And the sound effects. Holy crap, the sound effects. Nothing says action flick like a guy noodling on a toy piano while three different CDs of “The 101 Wackiest Sound Effects” play simultaneously in the background. I haven’t heard a cacophony like this since the last time I kicked a one man band down a hill.
* Superman Returns is the Spider-Man 3 of Superman movies, if you were wondering.