For a long time, vinyl snobbery was the exclusive domain of two people: stereo nerds, who spent all their time tweaking their receiver to how amazing their records sounded thanks to the wonders of high fidelity, and DJs, young men from the heart of the inner city using the music of others to create music of their own.
Then came the dark times, of kefiyehs and skinny jeans, of drinking awful beer “ironically” and trucker hats. These creatures, stupid yet arrogant, swarmed over the land like the pubic lice they carry: call them public lice. And vinyl snobbery got even worse, because some jackass who didn’t even have a ridiculous knowledge of audio electronics was blabbering about how vinyl had a “warmer” sound when he was using a digital system, or was calling himself a DJ because it sounded cool.
And now, these annoying little d-bags are going to become even more insufferable, because now the public lice don’t even need to buy the record and pretend to listen to it while really having downloaded it off of a torrent. Now, a freak has been crafted, 5″ vinyl on one side, a CD on the other. Oh, Optimal Media can pretend it’s for DJs, but we all know the truth!
To arms, fellow audiophiles, to arms! We shall drive them back to the suburbs and Best Buys from whence they came! We shall wash across the nation like a soothing shampoo that is embarrassing to get from the doctor, and leave the groin of our world free from American Apparel and chunky “nerd” glasses! Onward!
[ via Engadget ]