You Are All Now Pregnant

Entertainment Editor
05.08.12 3 Comments

The Avengers smashed several box office records last weekend and also got us all pregnant, apparently. But at least one group didn’t understand what was so great about Joss Whedon’s superhero project. Even though the Department of Defense has participated in movies like Iron Man (the F-22 Raptors dogfighting) and Battleship (a cameo by Ray Mabus, Secretary of the Navy), when it came to a movie about superpowers, Norse mythology, interdimensional travel, and aliens, they couldn’t get past their questions regarding the bureaucratic structure of S.H.I.E.L.D. No, really, that’s the part they considered too unrealistic, so they halted cooperation with Marvel.

The comics have always been vague about the bureaucratic structure of S.H.I.E.L.D., and for good reason. Keeping it open-ended allows for a wider variety of story lines and helps keep the comics timeless instead of overly couched in the current events of the past. The Pentagon didn’t care for this vagueness, however:

“We couldn’t reconcile the unreality of this international organization and our place in it,” Phil Strub, the Defense Department’s Hollywood liaison, tells Danger Room. “To whom did S.H.I.E.L.D. answer? Did we work for S.H.I.E.L.D.? We hit that roadblock and decided we couldn’t do anything” with the film. [WIRED]

It’s too late, Pentagon. You can try to quit, but you’re already pregnant.

In addition, we found these pictures of the Avengers in high school:

Just look at Hawkeye’s sexy mullet. We are all now double pregnant. His aim is just that good.

[Sources: WIRED, Tastefully Offensive, Pleated-Jeans]

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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