Tomorrow is the grand opening of Bar Luce, the first ever bar designed by director Wes Anderson. Now, the bar is in Milan, Italy, so unfortunately you lowly Americans wont be able to overhear the many pretentious conversations that will take place within its walls. But don”t despair! I”ve traveled to Milan one day in the future, returned, and translated the top conversation topics from Italian to English for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
1. Marry/F–k/Kill: The Men of Darjeeling Limited
In which Italian hipsters go around and say out of Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson, and Jason Shwartzman, who would they marry, f–k, or kill. The general consensus is Marry: Luke, F-K: Jason, Kill: Owen.
2. Would You Rather
Would you rather spend a year in a submarine with Bill Murray or fall in love with your sister? Would you rather lose a finger or get stranded in middle of nowhere, India? These types of questions are thrown back and forth.
3. Heated debates on the subject of J.D Salinger”s Holden Caulfield.
Was he a brat? Was he a hero? Essays written during college are referenced.
4. What is the best drug combination to take for an extra-unique trip?
Italian hipsters discuss.
5. Teary-eyed recollections of the age of mix CDs and the tragic rise of the iTunes playlist.
Some bragging about record collections takes place.
6. An unreasonably long conversation about someone they know who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who once met someone who grew up with Wes Anderson.
7. Best and worst covers of Beatles Songs.
8. Casting the 2015 remake of The Royal Tenenbaums.
A surprising amount of Italian Hipsters believe that Taylor Swift would be a great Margot.
9. Why can't we smoke in this bar?
Italian hipsters complain long enough for it to count as a conversation.
10. An art student bores his friends with the official names of Wes Anderson movie colors.
“It”s not Wes Anderson Yellow,” he lectures, “it”s ash blonde.”
Thanks to me, you now have lived 1/3 of the Bar Luce experience. The other 2/3rds are 2. seeing the colors first hand and 3. the subtle but constant hope that Bill Murray is about to walk through the door.