If you put me in a room for an hour and told me I had to spend all of it giving reasons why Alison Agosti is the greatest, I would have no problem filling up that time. Alison’s a comedian and sketch writer who currently works on the brand new “Late Night with Seth Meyers,” which will soon grace our TV sets. And she’s so consistently hilarious on Twitter that I can’t even stand it.
Seriously. I cannot stand it.
Here are 10 of Alison’s best jokes:
10. Sometimes I’ll just eat something because I’m tired of holding it.
9. The word “Caesar” has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.
8. Remember on Pimp My Ride when Xzibit put a chandelier in some 19 year-old’s car and then the housing market crashed?
7. If you want to catch a bus you have to *think* like a bus.
6. Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
5. A girl will tell you if her dress has pockets 30 seconds into a conversation.
4. If you really, truly love something; you have to defend it loudly in a bar even when no one is arguing with you.
3. Nicholas Sparks is when you’re like, “I’m going on a plane and I want to read a Thomas Kinkade painting.”
2. Just ate a burrito so big that I had to forget algebra to make room.
1. Behind every good man is a good woman, trying to put her finger in his butt because Cosmo told her to.
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