Brian Gaar is a comedian. He’s very funny. He lives in Austin. Which is in Texas. He also has nice facial hair. Don’t you want to follow this funny comedian from Austin with nice facial hair? Of course you do.
Here are 10 of Brian’s funniest tweets:
10. At my funeral, feed me into a woodchipper and point it at the mourners
9. If you pull a lizard’s tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like “dude.”
8. Relationships are like marathons, which are also stupid
7. Under pressure, Air Bud’s math teacher changes grade from “he’s a dog” to a 70
6. If I was The Bachelor we’d all play Mario Kart for 8 weeks, then I’d pick the one with the biggest boobs
5. Dear naps, I’m sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten
4. Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
3. Zooey Deschanel always looks like she’s been shown a card trick
2. WHO LET THE OWLS OUT?? DON”T SING THE CHORUS YOU”LL MAKE IT WORSE
1. If I’m murdered, I hope I’m able to write out the killer’s name in blood and then “sucks” underneath
Previously:
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Kevin Seccia
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Karen Kilgariff
12 hilarious tweets from the amazing Tween Hobo
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Robin McCauley
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Mike Birbiglia
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Vanessa Ramos
10 hilarious tweets from Ted Travelstead
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