10 Potential Criticisms From New ‘Voice’ Mentor Taylor Swift

10.03.14 2 years ago

Taylor Swift will be serving as a contestant mentor during this season's knockout rounds on “The Voice.” This is thrilling news — especially when you think of the insights Swift will likely offer the competing singers. Here are 10 potential criticisms from the “Shake It Off” songstress. 

1. “You need to act more shocked that we like you.”

2. “You like Beyonce? But she once released a surprise album on a Thursday evening! That's a school night!” 

3. “You're a country artist? Really? Because all real country musicians give up country after three years to sing Carly Rae Jepsen's leftovers.”

4. “Don't be nervous around me just because I'm famous! That's Ed Sheeran's job.”

5. “I noticed you danced during that performance. Why? You should only dance if you're in the audience of an award show and need to steal screentime from that ponytailed Chicken McNugget Ariana Grande. Do I make myself clear?”

6. “I didn't like the song you chose. It didn't have any instructions for haters in it.”

7. “Practice saying, 'I can't believe I won' every single day of your life.” 

8. “If you're serious about this business, you need to think of nice things to say about Katy Perry from time to time. Try, 'Her hair is so dark!' or 'She's like a Funfetti cake! A ton of colors that all taste like vanilla!' Stuff like that.”

9. “I just didn't find that performance believable. Like that time Jake Gyllenhaal and I held hands and pretended to know each other.”

10. “You sounded a little flat during that chorus. Stop copying me.”

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