Go ahead, ask me what my very favorite thing on the whole Internet is. I’ll tell you: it’s Tween Hobo. This hormonal ragamuffin may be only 12, but she’s a self-proclaimed hard 12, endlessly riding the rails armed with a bindlestiff and a smartphone. She’s obsessed with Bieber, but finds solace in the company of fellow hobo friends like Stumptown Jim and Tin Cap Earl. She’s out there day and night, tweeting from the fringes of America.
All in all, Tween Hobo a national treasure. Here are 12 tweets that will make you want to put down your can of beans and follow her immediately.
12. Old hobos speak of a time when Halloween costumes weren’t based on memes
11. Today I saw Mount Rushmore. It was all boys.
10. Let’s get that ObamaCare website working so I can go to the doctor and see if my leg kicks out when he hits my knee!
9. Lifehack: Always ask for more wishes
8. My other flask is a Capri-Sun
7. 12 Years A Hobo
6. A tumbler of whiskey and a tumblr of kitties
5. Celebs: Get involved. Do Something. Adopt me. #activism
4. Maybe Miley cut her hair and sold it to buy Liam Hemsworth a watch chain not knowing that he had sold his watch to buy her a fine scrunchie
3. JK Rowling and her sister LOL Rowling often annoy their brother, WTF Rowling
2. Just FYI, Thomas the Tank Engine presents a pretty sugar-coated view of railroad life.
1. At the end of the day, I still believe in the American Dream: Work hard and one day you might get frenched by a vampire.
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