5 Easy Ways “Magic Mike XXL” Could Be Better Than the First

02.04.15 3 years ago

The first trailer for “Magic Mike XXL” is here, and it turns out we may be in for a stunning and smutty treat. But are we? Check out the promising trailer above.

But I demand that the “Magic Mike” sequel trump the first in a bunch of key ways. Here are five easy steps the movie can take to really own us. 

5. Keep most of the melodrama inside the strip club.

Not that I don't appreciate drug-fueled party scenes with the most symmetrical male strippers in cinematic history, but the “drama” of the first “Magic Mike” movie seemed awfully staid and expected when juxtaposed with its fresh take on male objectification. If you've read “Candy Girl,” Diablo Cody's book on stripping, you'd know there's plenty of dicey activity in the stripping world that went unreported in the first film. What about the requirement of strippers to use their own tips to pay the DJ? What about the “private room” sector of strip clubs? What about the occasions when clients just aren't into what they're seeing? “Magic Mike” spared us that insight and settled for problem-free thrusting medleys.

4. Ditch Cody Horn.

This wish appears to have already come true. Last movie, Channing Tatum romanced rookie stripper Adam's younger sister Brooke, played by Cody Horn. Horn appeared so bored and unresponsive throughout the movie, it was like she didn't realize she was in a thrilling manflesh extravaganza for the ages. She mostly served as a way for Tatum's character to show off some vulnerability, and she was never compelled to stop smirking for more than a couple minutes. Fortunately, she does not appear to be in the cast of “XXL.” You know who does? Elizabeth Banks and Andie MacDowell. I'll take it.

3. More Matt Bomer.

Matt Bomer, that urethane-slick USA Network clone of Montgomery Clift, is actually a charismatic screen presence. You'd never know it from the first “Magic Mike” movie, though, since he's in it for approximately four minutes. While I appreciate the cutesy butt shot he gave us in that installment, let's hope he gets more of a dramatic moment here that has nothing to do with an implied threeway or a lame drug overdose or other offstage action. Let's see it all. 

2. Muuuuch more Joe Manganiello.

I think the most novel asset of “Magic Mike” was the renaissance of Joe Manganiello, whose comely fireman energy is only known to “True Blood” worshipers. Manganiello is truly in his own category of sex godliness at the moment, and I'm hoping his intensity and brick-hard pecs are properly exhibited and extolled. 

1. Bring on the frontal nudity.

When the hell do we get what we deserve? When do we get the frontal nudity? It's 2015, I'm watching a trailer for “Magic Mike XXL” and I'm pretending to be scandalized by humping motions. I've got news for you: I see at least one penis every day of my life. Sometimes more! The idea that we're about to watch another “Magic Mike” movie that congratulates itself for being edgy without even offering up a well-lit frame of a single dick is stupid and annoying. Do the cool thing, Channing! Wink and whip it out. Done! You're done! Just do it. The title “XXL” is promising, but I'm hoping it's a response to our very very reasonable demand for an actual damn johnson in this lacquered-up smutfest. Amen and praise be.

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