The 7 most unrealistic things about Hilary Duff’s new music video for ‘All About You’

09.25.14 3 years ago

Hilary Duff's new music video for her banjo-plunking pop single “All About You” is an adorable L.A. adventure. But it is almost as though she's challenging you, to not go there with her.

Here are some observations about this suspension of disbelief.

1. Its ratio of hot hotties to middling locales and color palettes is pretty off the charts. Hilary Duff would probably not eat at that diner, that is not where Hilary Duff would host dance rehearsal, and the L.A. River is not exactly a prime host for a gaggle of models. That dude would not be selling those records at that record shop (maybe at Urban Outffitters, though).

2. Hilary Duff does not need to cyber stalk, especially not utilizing the advanced features of [REDACTED PRODUCT PLACEMENT]. Hilary Duff just knows. She's always known. And that dude would have noticed Hilary Duff before you can say “Tinder.”

3. Face petting. A lot of it. Why all the face petting.

4. Overalls and flannels may be back, but they are not this much back. You might as well have worn Saran wrap and hoodies to rehearsal, because your ass would sweat either way. I see nary a sweat, only JBF hair.

5. The impact of these fashion choices, plus a modified line dance, plus cowboy booties makes this song as country as Madonna's grillz makes her a thug.

6. Oh please with that car.

7. Four girls begin walking down a long tunnel together toward the L.A. River. Determine their velocity, by using variables of heel height, the caliber of bum pee and fecal odors, exponentially combined by every notch at which the temperature sits above 60 degrees Fahrenheit. The last answer you should get in your calculations is “jaunty.” That's just math, people.

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