To be honest, I kinda liked Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler’s previous movies, “The Wedding Singer” and “50 First Dates.” They were cheesy, but also fluffy and fun and kinda sweet even. Now America’s favorite couple is back with “Blended,” a comedy about two goofy single parents who go on a disastrous first date and then somehow end up in Africa at the same time with their kids, and oh boy does this movie look terrible. Here are seven reasons why, based on the just-released first trailer (embedded below).
1. This plot is very, very contrived
Trailers for comedies starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore should not be confusing, and yet the convoluted mechanics of how these two people end up in Africa simultaneously makes “Inception” look like the goddamned “Brady Bunch.” So Drew Barrymore’s friend breaks up with her boyfriend, thereby ruining their planned trip to Africa. As Drew Barrymore’s friend explains this to Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler just so happens to be at Drew Barrymore’s house to return her credit card from their disastrous date the night before (because the restaurant accidentally switched them, see), and this is when Adam Sandler realizes that his boss also just so happens to be the now-ex-boyfriend of Drew Barrymore’s friend, who was also in that movie “Bridesmaids.” It then occurs to Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler independently that they would love to take their kids to Africa, so unbeknownst to each other Adam Sandler gets on the phone with his boss while Drew Barrymore talks to her friend from “Bridesmaids” and walla! They both have inadvertently booked themselves on the same exact African vacation. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
2. The first scene in the trailer involves Drew Barrymore spitting out food
Don’t get me wrong: Drew Barrymore looks hilarious spitting out food, particularly in freeze frame (see my new desktop background above). But viewed in context, this is actually just a really uninspired bit of physical humor that takes the idea of “bad first date” and does the most obvious dumb things with it.
3. We are supposed to find the idea of a teenage girl stuffing her bra with gel sneaker insoles hilarious
Oh, but that’s not all. What we are also supposed to find hilarious is the sight of said gel sneaker insoles getting stuck to a mirror after she throws them across the room in shock! Exclamation point exclamation point!
4. This title card
This title card pisses me off. I hate it. I don’t know why, exactly. All I know is, the words “Two Families Stuck Together” printed in garish fast-food colors on a white background in a movie trailer make me want to not see that movie, ever.
5. I would rather watch a movie about this horny couple
Comic relief characters can be great for adding some spice, but when they are more compelling than your main characters (Adam Sandler is literally just playing himself at this point) even though they are themselves not particularly compelling, that is an encouraging sign that your movie is terrible.
6. Black Africans are once again merely an “exotic” backdrop for the exploits of a bunch of spoiled, annoying white people
Look at how benign and joyful and free-spirited they are! Oh, how they love to clap and and to dance and to teach us things!
7. More dumb physical comedy moments
To their credit, the screenwriters stopped short of having Drew Barrymore land in elephant poop.
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