Were you just thinking that your family vacations need more dystopia, poverty, and blood drawn from innocent children? Well you’re in luck, because Lionsgate has evidently begun to explore the prospect of a theme park based on its “The Hunger Games” franchise. You know, those movies all about setting children free in a large arena so they can viciously murder one another for the entertainment of their evil overlords?
Worst idea ever? That’s for you to decide. Here are 8 more movie and TV-based theme parks that sound like they would be complete and utter disasters.
1. Breaking Bad World
This theme park is a must-visit for any fan of the acclaimed AMC series, featuring such attractions as Jane’s Vomit-O-Rama Tilt-A-Whirl, the Binge-and-Crash Reverse Bungee, the thrilling Tower of Tweak funhouse and a reconstruction of Gus Fring’s famed Albuquerque eatery Los Pollos Hermanos.
2. Blue Jasmine Kingdom
Take a thrilling journey through the plot and themes of Woody Allen’s latest film with such rides as the Downwardly Mobile Drop Tower, the terrifying Hall of Self-Delusion and the exhilarating First-Class Flight Simulator, then stay for dinner at one of the park’s many overpriced dining establishments.
3. Six Flags Spring Breakers
Six Flags Spring Breakers is basically your run-of-the-mill water park, but with the extra thrill of a ski-masked girl with an assault rifle hiding beneath the waterfalls. There’s no food served here, but there are plenty of tequila-based concoctions for adults and kids of all ages. A temporary tattoo station will ink you up with either an alien, a pot leaf, or a unicorn. And yes, James Franco is there every single day.
4. Girls: The Theme Park
This park has one ride and it’s a simulation of the L Train from Union Square to Williamsburg that breaks down intermittently, usually just after a homeless guy takes off his pants. The ride passes through the House of H.P.V. while Bumper Cabs sit in traffic. A 3-D theater inside the train shows a loop of four young women talking incessantly over one another while eating muffins. This theme park is extremely over-priced, but that’s okay, because your parents are paying for it anyway.
5. The Butlerland
Experience the legacy of White House butler Cecil Gaines with this civil rights-themed amusement park, with featured attractions including the Tunnel of Desegregation, the Ferris Wheel of Freedom, Prejudice Mountain and the Lunch Counter restaurant, where every visitor is served with a smile.
6. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Park
This park features a fun house mirror where you can see what you’d look like with tons of plastic surgery, a wishing well filled with Kim Richards’ tears, and snack bar that only serves raw pressed juice and white wine. Each ride attendant is available to engage you in a screaming match that just might come to fisticuffs.
7. Captain Phillips Water Park
This water park features hair-raising slides inspired by the hit Tom Hanks movie “Captain Phillips,” with attractions including Hurricane Hijack, Xenophobia Cove, Extreme Terrorism Tsunami and the thrilling musical stage show Somali Pirates of Penzance.
8. Dads Great Adventure
This park based on the show “Dads” would be kind of fun if it were’t so damned racist. Take a ride on the Mull-o-coaster and careen straight towards the end of your career. If you’re taller than Seth Green, you can go through the Tunnel of Groans. And don’t forget to get your thetans checked out at the booth run by Giovanni Ribisi.
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