We return to the hamsters’ battle for HOH, which is old news to everyone who subscribes to the CBS feed but, hey, let’s not spoil it for everyone, right? Anyway, everyone’s sliding and falling and dumping greasy brown liquid into tubs. Not everyone is dumping their liquid into their HOH tub, of course — some are playing for safety, and Boogie is playing for $10,000 all by himself. Frank is justifiably pissed that Boogie isn’t going for HOH, as he can’t compete and the only alliance he can trust is the one he has with Boogie. But hey, Boogie is just a struggling college student, knee deep in student loans. Hmmm, I know that’s not right… so why not try to, you know, win HOH?
In other news, Dan is playing for safety so he doesn’t have to worry about getting pushed out of the house. Same for Ashley. Dan informs us in VERY LOUD VOICE in the interview room that Frank is a curly-haired maniac, so he’s running scared. Okay, okay, Dan. You don’t have to yell so much.
Meanwhile, Boogie is feeling great about the alliance. Of course he is! Though I will admit to falling rather squarely against Team Boogie, I can’t help but admire the fact that he seems to be sailing along in this competition without breaking much of a sweat. I just wish he didn’t seem so confident in the stupidity and naiveté of the hamsters. And I wish they’d stop proving his low opinion of them right week after week, too.
In the soapy, yukky HOH challenge, Danielle falls on her butt during the swamp challenge, but Dan plans to give her a leg massage, so it’s all good, I suppose. Ian is also taking some really bad falls, but I don’t think anyone’s going to be rubbing his sore spots.
Ashley is taking a slow and steady approach to the challenge. Which involves rolling around on the gooey floor and taking baby steps to nowhere. I am wondering if Ashley has some kind of clever approach to the game that I’ve been missing, in which her seeming imbecility is just a cover so that she can win the $500,000 and easily knock out the competition, but I’m thinking that’s giving her way too much credit.
As the race continues, Britney and Dan are neck and neck for safety. Britney’s so smooth she’s making Dan feel old, he says. And, unsurprisingly, the win goes to Britney. Poor, old Dan. At least he didn’t say he couldn’t believe he was beaten by a girl.
Then, Boogie wins the $10,000. He’s so happy! Frank is happy for him, though he would like to kill him. Okay, Frank is too nice to say that, but I’m sure he’s thinking it. Boogie does appear to be waiting patiently to be picked off so he can go home and play with his kid, which would be the sane thing to do, unless he’s so uber confident he thinks he’ll just coast into the winner’s circle. Less sane, but a distinct possibility.
Dan throws himself into the race for HOH, having lost safety to Britney. Amazingly, he passes Ian and is soon catching up to Shane. What? He’s starting from zero, really, and seems to be doing incredibly well for someone who declared himself an old man a few minutes earlier.
Even though Dan does his best to catch up, Shane wins HOH. Ian wonders if Shane is going to make a power move this week, as Shane has no ties to Boogie or Frank. Ian may not be aware of the Silent Six, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Britney thinks it may, in fact, be time to break up that secret alliance and knock off either Frank or Boogie. It’s a smart move, really. I’m not sure why Boogie has been so underestimated this season, but I think even he expects to end up on the block because he’s so damn good at this game. Yes, he’s creepy and appears to have no soul, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat. Actually, that’s probably why he’s so good at the game.
Time for Shane to show off his HOH room! Shane’s most excited about getting a picture of his bulldog Dozer. It’s a pretty great picture, really. He also gets a letter from his sister. The HOH room becomes much less exciting for the loser hamsters with each passing week, so Shane should probably pass out candy sooner rather than later.
Jenn is exhausted, but she rallies and goes upstairs to see Shane’s room. Then, she goes back downstairs and cries. She’s so alone! It sucks to be a floater, I guess.
And then it’s time for Ian to do what he does best — disseminating bad news. I think this is key to his game play, really. Everyone thinks he’s such a good kid, but really, the way he’ll ever get a shot at winning is by whispering in the ears of his alliance about possibly conspiracies and evil-doing. Ian has a brief conversation with Boogie prior to the live show. Boogie asks Ian who he’d go after if he won HOH. Britney? Shane? Ian takes this information back to Britney to fan the flames of paranoia and fear. Boogie is COMING FOR YOU. AND SHANE. YOU, Britney, are in DANGER!
Britney and Ian take this information to Shane, Dan and Danielle. Time to make a big move, Shane! But what if one of them wins HOH next week? he asks. Britney holds fast to her plan. Big move! Big move! Ian seconds Britney’s motion. Dan thinks this is the time to make a move, if Shane is going to make a move, that is. Danielle thinks putting them up on the block is the best of both worlds. The Quack Pack resolves to knock out either Frank or Boogie. I’m not sure if Frank can be knocked out. That spirtard might have been lined with some kind of elimination protectant or something.
Ian decides it’s time to make another move on Ashley in an attempt to wash the leftover remnants Frank out of her brain. Before the big date, however, he asks Britney to manscape his armpits. She, Ashley and Danielle put zucchini slices on his eyes, then apply burning hair remove to his underarms. I would think asking the person you’re manscaping yourself for to be part of the manscaping would be counterproductive, but neither he nor Ashley seem the least bit bothered by this. To me, this implies the manscaping may not be necessary, but the hamsters do need something to do, after all.
I was thinking, given that Ian altered his body hair for the occasion, he and Ashley might dine by the pool, but no. He makes her a frozen pizza to eat in the communal kitchen. Oddly enough, sparks do not fly. In fact, he and Ashley seem to be having a chat about when he intends to use the bathroom. He’d like to wait until it is easier, which may be a reference to the lack of privacy in the house or a hint that he’s severely constipated. Either way, this is not a love match. Shockingly enough, Ashley decides they’re just really good friends. Ian, however, hopes for sparks to fly once Frank is ousted. Oh, Ian. Frank is not the problem here.
Shane decides to chat with Joe about his plan to put up Frank and Boogie. Joe is thrilled! He wants Shane to win, and he will be loyal to him! He’ll throw himself in front of a bus if he needs to! I feel like Joe is loyal to everyone for a few minutes. He’s like the McDonald’s of loyalty, but a McDonald’s that only offers super sizes everything.
Ian plays pool with Dan and Boogie. He thinks there will be a “Big Brother” all-stars edition two, and he suspects it will be good versus evil. Of course, Boogie would be playing for the evil side along with Dr. Will and Evel Dick. Ian suggests he’d also qualify for this all-stars evil team. Boogie laughs gently. Oh really? Really, Ian? Ha! Ian is America’s sweetheart! Ian has just dropped a massive hint he’s up to no good, which I’m sure Boogie gets. He just doesn’t care. Because Quack Pack or not, he’s not exactly a power player.
A Pandora’s box/ball box/question mark whatever the hell shows up at the house. Shane is worried. Does this mean Frank and Will will be able to save themselves from being put on the block? Does this mean he should put up floaters?
Boogie isn’t worried about nominations. He has an alliance with Shane, so he’s safe, right? Who knows?
Time for the nomination ceremony!
Britney, of course, is safe and gets her key.
Danielle is safe.
Dan is safe.
Jenn is safe.
Ashley is safe.
Joe is safe.
Ian is safe.
So, that leaves Boogie and Frank on the block. Huh, Shane went through with his big move. Boogie laughs. Frank looks depressed. Shane starts blabbering some nonsense about twists and moves and wining money. Did Shane just have a stroke or something?
Boogie declares that he can’t be in an alliance with Shane, in part because he nominated him, but also because he gave a dumbass speech.
Frank is heartbroken. He’s been betrayed! Again! Poor Frank. But he’s survived this long — I’m not convinced either he nor Boogie will be going home this week. Frank is one hell of a POV player, and Boogie is one hell of a player, so really, anything could happen. Which is, of course, why Shane gunned for both of them. But it also may be why he’ll be sorry later.
Do you think Shane made the right decision? Do you think Frank or Boogie will go home? And what do you think the Question Box will do?