So, I’m guessing Dan’s Machiavellian plan to race willy-nilly into the “Big Brother” winner’s circle while all the other housemates thank him for taking the money and kicking them to the curb remains solidly in effect. The only hamster who could potentially throw a wrench into Dan’s evil genius master plan is Frank, who’s never met a veto competition he doesn’t like. I’m hoping Frank can win tonight’s game, if only to wipe that smug little grin off Dan’s face.
We pick up where we left off last week — with Frank and Jenn on the block. Frank thinks Ian has to grow up, as he’s taking this revenge thing altogether too personally. Jenn is going to fight to stay in the house, which is remarkable considering that she only started playing a week or so ago. Dan can’t believe everyone is so stupid! They totally don’t see that he’s RUNNING the place! And all of them! Dan needs a waxes mustache to twirl.
Many whispered conversations take place, none of them particularly insightful. Jenn is worried about going home! Danielle assures her that Frank is the real target. Jenn is still nervous! Welcome to the game, floater!
Meanwhile, Frank isn’t too nervous. After all, he and Jenn are in an alliance with Dan and Danielle! If just one of them gets POV, they’re golden! Then, Joe will go home! Oh, Frank. Why is he trusting Dan or Danielle? Or anyone, for that matter? This guy has been stabbed in the back more than a mafia snitch.
In the HOH room, Joe talks to Ian, as he needs to know what the agenda is. Ian doesn’t see any reason to come up with an elaborate lie for a floater like Joe, so he admits that he’d be a replacement should Jenn or Frank get off of the block. Joe is surprisingly calm about this, and I’m thinking he wouldn’t be terribly sad about going home and being able to cook in his own kitchen. He has a whole family of his own to yell at, after all.
Frank is worried that Dan could be the replacement vote. Dan thinks this is just too funny, as Frank is worried about him and he isn’t keeping that final two deal at all! Dan hopes he can get Frank to throw the veto competition. Oh, please, does Dan. There’s evil and then there’s mean, and I think you’re crossing over.
Dan kisses up to Ian by playing with stuffed animals with him. On national television. In case you weren’t sure if Dan really wanted to win this, there you go. He tells Ian his brother-in-law has OCD., as he thinks that might be Ian’s problem. Ian is not the least bit insulted to be told he acts like someone who needs medication. Ian doesn’t take it and has never been formally diagnosed with anything, but he thinks he’s more ADHD than OCD. He needs to move constantly, or, as he puts it, he has a bounce. I suspect Dan is just gathering information to use against Ian later, but Ian is so touched! Dan genuinely cares about him! It’s at moments like this that I’d like to give some of the hamsters a hard shake. Where has all the paranoia gone? Sing it if you know it, by the way.
Time to pick the players for the veto competition. Frank and Jenn are obviously playing, as is Ian. But now, who else is going to play? Really, almost everyone. There just aren’t that many people left. Still, Frank has his fingers crossed that Dan and Danielle will play. Yeah, the odds are pretty good, Frank. But news flash, these people ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Anyway, names are drawn. And yes, Dan and Danielle are going to play. Joe is also going to play. Shane is the only one who isn’t going to play. Not exactly the most dramatic draw ever, really.
Jenn tells Frank she can’t eat or drink anything, because she’s eating slop. And, you don’t exactly snack away your problems when you have mushy oatmeal substitute as your only food group. She’s depressed. She doesn’t want to play against Frank! Frank says they just need to hope Dan or Danielle wins the veto. Oh, Frank!
Frank needs to share his worries with Dan. He is concerned that if he wins the POV, Dan will be his replacement. He thinks Dan should try to win the veto to use on Jenn. Dan nods calmly, while inside he’s jumping up and down like a five-year-old on a new mattress.
Time for the veto competition. There’s cows, pigs, corn… and a UFO. Joe feels like he’s at home, except for the UFO. I’d suggest that Joe, of all people, would be a likely candidate to get a visitor from a little green man, as he looks exactly like one of those guys you see on History Channel specials on the topic.
The veto competition is a memory game based on what the hamsters know about their evicted former housemates. It’s also combined with stickiness and a ramp climb, just to make it interesting. Or, at least watchable.
Danielle is eliminated first. Ian is eliminated next. Not that he cares too much. After Ian, Joe is out. Then Jenn is out. It’s down to Dan and Frank. Hey, Frank? Notice that Dan is fighting really, really hard to win? Really, really hard? Like someone with an agenda?
Danielle and Ian are SO tired of Frank saving himself all the time! It’s like he’s a really good player or something! Anyway, Frank, after hemming and hawing about whether or not he should throw the veto competition (I am fairly sure the producers of “Big Brother” scripted these moments so viewers at home could shake their heads in disbelief), Frank decides he needs to win the competition. Yes! Duh!
But in the end, Dan wins it. Frank’s now a walking dead man. That doesn’t mean Dan is going to let Frank know he’s going to stab him in the back, however. So what can he do to get his way without looking like a bad guy (we all know that looking like a bad guy is Dan’s sneaky bad guy version of kryptonite) He can use the veto on Jenn, lest everyone know he has a final two deal with Frank. Yes, that’s it. Frank thinks that’s such a smart idea!
Please pause for a moment to smack your head against something solid, which will distract you from the utter gullibility of the non-Dan hamsters. Ready? Let’s get back to the game. Or rather, Dan’s evil genius plans to run it.
Dan decides it’s time to manipulate Ian. Gee, Ian, if I use the veto, who should you put up (Joe)? Should I use the veto (yes)? Gosh, should I use it on Jenn or Frank (Jenn)? What? You heard my Subliminal Man imitation? Nah, little old me? I’m just nice guy Dan, who loves you despite your raging ADHD and affection for stuffed animals!
Frank and Dan talk in the bathroom, but it’s hard to concentrate when we have to watch Dan put in his contact lens. Yeah, he doesn’t look like something on a rerun of “Bones” or anything. Yeek.
It’s time for the veto meeting. Guess what happens? Dan uses the veto on Jenn, Ian pretends to be angry (he almost giggles) and puts Joe on the block, and Dan is thrilled! He manipulates everyone into doing his bidding without them realizing he’s manipulating them at all, and he gets to stab the toughest player left in the game without getting blood on his hands. And we know how much Dan likes to have clean hands! I’m really hoping a few hamsters wake up and try to flip the game on Dan, or the next few weeks are going to be awfully boring.
On Thursday night we’ll be treated to another double eviction. We just need to find out what Dan wants to do, as right now it seems pretty clear his will will be done.
Do you think Frank can save himself? Do you think anyone will realize Dan is ruling the house? Who do you think is going to win?