‘Big Brother’ recap: Frank’s nominations are revealed and more

07.26.12 5 years ago 2 Comments


My, how things have changed! Willie’s gone, Britney’s remaining teammates are on the ropes, Janelle’s working with Boogie Mike, whom she loathes, and Frank is the king of his domain. Aren’t you glad none of these people are in politics? They’d have blown up Switzerland, joined forces with North Korea and declared war on Mexico, just for kicks.

Boogie has a crazy idea to run past Frank and Janelle! Put up Danielle and one of “our” team players, then backdoor Shane or JoJo. Jenn is not interested in being a pawn. Frank thinks this could be a really good idea. I think Frank’s lost his damn fool mind.

Shane is pissed at Willie. He knew if he’d been up on the block with Willie, he’d have easily stayed in the house. Now, he’s not so sure. He’s a much bigger target for eviction if JoJo bats her eyelashes and appears semi-helpless. Shane is determined to win the POV.

JoJo goes to Frank for a private chat. He can trust her! Um, that’s all kinds of no, my dear. Frank points out that she’s already betrayed him once. He gave her a chance, and she blew it! How could she not see that Willie was a cancer in the house! JoJo’s face collapses inward, which makes it seem as if her neck is swallowing her face. That damn Willie is ruining her game and he’s not even in the house anymore!

It’s time for the nomination ceremony. Ashley is, as we all know, safe.

Jenn is safe.
Ian is safe.
Joe is safe.
Wil is safe.
Danielle is safe.

That leaves Shane and JoJo up for eviction. Boogie nods with an evil little smirk. If he had a mustache, he’d twirl it, but I question whether he’s able to grow facial hair at his clearly advanced age. He looks 60 if he’s a day. Frank says Shane is his number one target, but Danielle is still worried. If Shane or JoJo wins the POV, she knows she’s the most likely replacement.

Britney talks to Shane. She wants him to try to reintegrate himself. Make friends, influence people! Pretend you’re running for office, even though that’s entirely unlikely after you’ve been on this show! Britney feels bad. She’s weighed down with guilt. JoJo is pissed that Wil and Jenn didn’t give her a hug. But she won’t go all Willie on anyone, thank God. I think we can now use the phrase “going Willie” as much as we’d like, by the way.

Boogie, who increasingly looks like Burgess Meredith crossed with a leprechaun, tells Frank to be nice to Shane and JoJo this week, as whoever doesn’t go home may come after him if he’s gets all Willie on them. Frank nods compliantly.

Time to decide who will play in the POV competition! Frank, Ian, Shane, JoJo, Ashley and Wil will be competing. The host of the competition will be Joe. Wow, Joe’s still in the game? I wonder what he does all day, as we never see him on camera unless someone tries to pick a fight with him or he’s cooking something. For someone who’s so loud, he may actually be flying under the radar quite effectively.

Now, the hamsters must wait. Bored, Ashley braids Danielle’s hair. She’s tired of dating, that Ashley. She wants to get wifed up! Looks don’t matter — she wants the guy to have his own business. She wants a family guy who loves going out to eat and playing Monopoly. And having sex. And likes food. And sleep. Ashley thinks she has high standards. I think Ashley could easily fall in love with a sofa cushion if it paid her rent.

Time for the POV competition! It’s a fiesta theme, and there’s even margaritas and guacamole. Boogie is thrilled that he gets to snack while people fight for their lives. Can’t you just picture him at the Coliseum? Release the lions!

The competitors must dress up as chips and slop around in vats of Mexican-themed dips to find menu items that must be placed in the correct order, which is like EVERY SINGLE POV EVER. But Ashley can’t wait, because she’ll get to dive into food! And she likes food. Her future husband will like food, too!

Shane doesn’t want to have to remember stuff, but Ian almost has a photographic memory, so he says he has an edge. I would like to point out that there is no “almost” when it comes to having a photographic memory. But then, we’ve long ago learned that Ian is more impressed with his skill set than he should be. Ashley tries and fails to work with a mnemonic device. Mostly she seems happy to stagger around and stare at the menu. Maybe because it makes her think about food. She loves food!

It’s neck and neck between Shane and Ian. Shane rings his bell first, just so that he has a shot at beating Ian, who is almost finished. Ian locks in his answers second, JoJo finishes third and Frank locks in fourth. Wil, fifth. And then there’s Ashley. Joe declares her slower than pond water. And she still gets only 13 right out of 16. Wil got everything right. Frank got everything right. JoJo got everything right. Ian got… everything right. So, it’s down to Ian and Shane. Who will win?

Nail biter! Shane finished first, but we need to see his menu to know if he’s the winner. Well, this is an excellent time for a commercial, isn’t it?

Shane didn’t check his answers. All seems lost! Except he got everything right and yes, won the POV. Britney is so excited she jumps into the green guacamole vat to hug Shane.

But all that hugging in vicious substances doesn’t make Shane feel loyal. Probably he just feels sticky. In any case, Shane goes running to Frank. Let’s form an alliance! Final two! Anything! Please be my friend! Boogie thinks of Shane as a wounded animal he can nurse back to health which will then be deeply and forever loyal to him. You know, sometimes those wounded animals bite you in the face, Boogie. Just saying. Anyway, Boogie suggests a deal. They can alllll work together. But Shane can’t tell Britney about their plan. So, Shane doesn’t tell Britney or JoJo. Because he is a loyal wounded muskrat, I guess.

Dan tells a puffy-faced and nervous Danielle he can’t hang out with her right now. He doesn’t want her to go home because of him. Danielle is NOT happy. He was tight with Kara! Dan points out that Kara went home. He doesn’t think she’ll fight to save herself if he’s too close to her, which is probably right. But Danielle is so sad! She’s all alone!

Danielle asks Shane if he’s voting to keep JoJo in the game. Shane won’t say it, but he does point out that JoJo’s on his team. So much for that fledgling showman! Unfortunately, Dan’s attempt to push Danielle out of the nest doesn’t seem to work. She puts on a hoodie and cries. She feels so rejected and unwanted! It really hurts!

Shane, probably realizing he’s killing his showman opportunity, does have a plan B, however. He wants to suggest to Frank that he put up Wil instead of Danielle as his replacement. JoJo’s fine with it. I’m not sure if Boogie will go along with the idea of tossing Janelle’s team under the bus. But who am I kidding? Boogie, loyal? Ha!

Shane pow wows with Frank to make his proposal. Sigh. I feel that this happens every week on “Big Brother.” Someone proposes an unexpected alternate for eviction, the HOH appears to consider it, and then does what was originally planned anyway.

Time to vote for the have not snacks! Cereal and salmon, garbanzo beans and giblets or lima beans and lemons are your choices. If you like the hamsters, pick #1. If you don’t, pick #3.

Time for Shane to use his POV. He’s really hoping Frank will put up Wil, because then he’ll be loyal to his teammate JoJo and he might still get some nookie from Danielle. Frank isn’t sure if that move is best for him, however. Danielle feels so sad and all alone. She’s so sad she isn’t even bothering to put on foundation OR lipstick for her time in the interview room!

As expected, Shane saves himself. Frank needs to name a replacement. And that person is… Danielle. See previous paragraph about how this always happens.

Frank doesn’t want to rock the boat just yet by targeting Janelle’s team. Danielle has to fight! And she does not like fighting! I suspect she’ll fight a little, then find her hoodie and cry some more. JoJo is determined to fight. I think JoJo may actually enjoy fighting. And Dan has a secret plan to keep Danielle around — even if that means throwing Britney and JoJo under the bus. Oh, no. I’m not sure what Dan can do at this point to save his one last player given that his alliance with Boogie has crumbled and Danielle is too busy crying to form alliances, but this is “Big Brother.” As CBS likes to remind us over and over and over again, anything can happen.

Do you think Wil would have been a good replacement? Do you think Danielle is going home, or JoJo? And were you surprised that Shane won the POV?


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