So, one thing we do know about tonight’s episode is we won’t be seeing all the racist, homophobic, crappy things the hamsters are saying on the life feed. This is probably for the best, as we don’t want to make knee jerk judgments against hamsters because they’re making knee jerk judgments. The good news is that for some of the hamsters, their ignorance isn’t simply limited to ridiculous and random hatred based on skin color and sexual orientation. No, some of these people can’t spell. At all. For that, we can roll our eyes at the very least.
We pick up where we left off — Candice and Jessie are on the block. Candice assures her fellow hamsters that she isn’t going to go in the corner and cry. No, she’s going to do that in the interview room. As bad as things are for her now, I suspect they will only feel worse when she gets out of the “Big Brother” house and is able to read the rotten things some of the hamsters have said about her.
In the pantry, Jeremy and Nick do an awkward chest bump to celebrate the Moving Company’s alliance. I’m not sure why Elissa’s attempt to create an all-female alliance went so horribly wrong when the guys have found it to be as easy as creating a frat, but I’m already a little tired of the Moving Company.
Now it’s time for Jesse and Candice to alternate between pleading with McCrae to be saved from execution and asking him why he wants to break up with them. While Jesse seems to have a more subtle approach, Candice seems ready to punch McCrae in the face until he resembles one of the pizzas he may or may not deliver in real life. McCrae wants Candice to go away, so he bites his blanket compulsively and tries to cut off his circulation with colorful bandanas. McCrae, needless to say, does not handle conflict well.
Candice doesn’t care, because she will keep hammering away at McCrae until he cries or has to have his hand amputated. Candice thinks he’s in an alliance with the four guys. Gosh, no, McCrae says disingenuously! Candice wants to pull McCrae “into Candyland and show him how we really play.” I know what Candyland is, and I get that her nickname might be Candy, but I think you play Candyland by rolling some dice and flipping cards and maybe moving some candy-themed pieces around a board. I am so confused by Candice.
Everyone assumes Elissa will be the first MVP. Jeremy hints to Elissa that the MVP should really reveal his or her identity. After all, that’s what HE’D do. I hope Jeremy never, ever gets the chance to prove that, because I find him thoroughly annoying. Elissa jokes that she’ll probably win MVP because her sister has lots of fans — because her sister is Giselle Bundchen.
This is the first time in the episode when I want to take Elissa by her well-sculpted shoulders and shake her. WHAT is she thinking? This isn’t throwing anyone off the scent, and worse, Jeremy doesn’t know who Giselle Bundchen is. Sorry, Giselle, I guess the fame expiration date for being a “Victoria’s Secret” angel just gets shorter and shorter.
Of course, everyone in the house is right — Elissa is the first MVP. She’s so grateful! So what does she do with this awesome gift? She tells McCrae she’s the MVP and asks him who he wants her to put up.
This time I want to shake her until she gets some sense rattled back into her head. She’s really making Rachel look like a mastermind at this point. She clearly doesn’t have an alliance with McCrae, and as far as we can tell she never even suggests one. I can’t understand why she doesn’t seem to have a strategy beyond kissing up to one person.
Anyway, McCrae thinks this is very smart of Elissa (because it allows him to do the Moving Company’s bidding) and suggests David. After all, David is a tough physical competitor and he’s obviously smart! Wait, he’s talking about David?
McCrae then informs Elissa that he’ll probably have to put her on the block as a pawn, you know, since everyone hates her. Elissa is shocked! She thought McCrae was her friend! Why? Because he spoke to her in a soft voice and chewed on a blanket?
Meanwhile, the showmance continues to develop. There’s something unnerving about watching this, as I think David may actually be mentally impaired. David tells Aaryn he lives at home and has no goals, and she doesn’t mind in the least. In fact, if she wins she’ll let him be her sugar baby. Blick.
The nominee of the MVP (Elissa) is… David. He’s so confused! He’s so likable! Elissa followed McCrae’s suggestion simple because she didn’t want McCrae to backdoor her. Oh, Elissa. You don’t have game at all, do you? Shake, shake, shake!
Time to determine who will be playing in the veto competition! The two additional players are… Elissa and Howard. Candice is going to have to bring her Candyland A game. Is the veto competition going to take place in Candyland? Is there some cross-promotion happening here that I didn’t know about? Please stop, Candice, because this isn’t as cute as you think it is. And it make me want candy.
David is so surprised the MVP has put him on the block it’s as if his whole world was turned upside down. It’s like he woke up with bad hair or something! He tells Aaryn he can’t trust anyone — including her. She cries. Then, she demands an apology. This confuses David even more, since he’s the one on the block. Thus, he tries to get Aaryn to love him again by saying, “So are we good? Are we good? Can we kiss this out?” over and over again. Aaryn wants to make out with him, as that’s really his only purpose, but holds firm.
Another gathering of hamsters, and this time around Jeremy (who hates Elissa for no apparent reason other than she’s Rachel’s sister) accuses her of lying about her sister being Gitel Hooseywhatsit or whatever. Elissa tells Jeremy she never said her sister was a supermodel. Oh, Elissa, what are you doing? Don’t you remember saying this? Finally, she explains that she was joking, and Jeremy scowls and she tells him to go pick on some guys and he tells her he was trying to clear the air and wow, this is a dumb argument.
With the veto competition looming over the house like a cloud of noxious fumes from a paper factory, Amanda tells McCrae not to win the veto competition. Throw the competition, lest everyone think you’re too strong, McCrae! I can’t believe we are now worried that McCrae will be seen as a huge physical threat. Anyway, he decides he needs to share a secret with her to promote bonding, so he tells her Elissa was MVP. Then, McCrae confesses to Elissa that he told Amanda her secret. You can definitely say this of McCrae — he doesn’t stab people in the back, but nicely, and right in front of their faces.
Time for the veto competition! The theme is based on CBS’ “American Baking Competition,” and a judge from the show with a very long name that I could look up but won’t will be the host. The hamsters must crawl through honey, get to some blueberry balloons, get some letters and spell a word. McCrae is determined to follow Amanda’s advice and throw the competition. He acts like a big, spastic nutball and runs around like a crazy person. He couldn’t POSSIBLY win, could he? I mean, he’s trying to throw this.
Poor David. He wants to spell a big, long word — so he sees “Competition” on the sign and picks that one, because it’s the biggest word he’s ever seen, apparently. Aaryn thinks the men in her life should be able to spell, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable, but in this case it may be too much to expect.
Howard spells “sailing.”
Jesse spells “tumbled.”
Candice spells “rafts.”
David didn’t spell anything. Anything. As Andy points out, this is a first in “Big Brother” history, and a low point. “Congratulations, David! You’re an idiot!”
Elissa spells “potroasts.” So, two words and not one, so she’s eliminated.
McCrae spells “delivery.” Even trying to throw the competition, he has won the power of veto. “I feel like the stupidest smart man in this house!” I am feeling like I am watching “Idiocracy: The Sequel.”
Elissa can’t believe she thought pot roasts was one word! Helen tries to comfort her. They’re the mom alliance! Wait, why haven’t these two been working the house?
Unfortunately, McCrae wants Elissa to know he has to put her on the block. But wait! Get this! The Moving Company doesn’t want to backdoor Elissa. Nick tells McCrae not to change the nominations, because his alliance wants David gone first. McCrae is so confused! Should he upset the rest of the house and not backdoor Elissa, or upset his alliance by backdooring her? I really wish the hamsters would use a word other than backdooring, as it really seems as if it could be misinterpreted by a casual channel surfer.
David doesn’t want to go home, because he wants more time with sweet Aaryn. I love that David is in the “Big Brother” house for love, though this seems like going to an Olive Garden for weight loss tips.
Time for the veto meeting! McCrae has decided… to use the veto on Candice. In her place, he’s nominating Elissa. Dammit! But wait! McCrae says she isn’t the real target. So David’s the real target? Someone else? I know McCrae is a superfan, but given that he makes most of his decisions while chewing on a blankey, I’m not sure we can expect Elissa to stay in the house for very long, MVP or not.
Do you think Elissa will be tossed out? What did you think of McCrae as MVP? Do you think Aaryn is playing David?