It’s weeks like this one when I wish I had Time Warner cable. Without a way to watch CBS, I would be spared the sheer frustration of “Big Brother” when monsters embed themselves in the house like nasty, vindictive termites. I guess I could be sanguine about episodes like this one, and remind myself that sometimes bad behavior gets rewarded and even crappy people can have good luck. But that doesn’t make me want to toss my remote control into traffic any less.
Alas, everything starts out on such a promising note. Aaryn is so devastated about being on the block! Oh no! McCrae is scared! Amanda is pissed, but she needs to find out how to keep herself safe. But are any of these mostly unpleasant players safe? No! How wonderful!
Gina Marie is going to try to be on Elissa’s good side, then does what any marginally smart player would do — and that’s kiss Elissa’s ass. Amanda thinks this makes Gina Marie a traitor, as she’s the only hamster allowed to manipulate other people in the “Big Brother” house or, you know, play the game. She mutters to her slave/boyfriend that she wants to punch her in the face with brass knuckles. McCrae tells her to stop being a lunatic bitch. He doesn’t say that, but my God, if he’s not thinking it, something’s wrong with him.
Meanwhile, Aaryn is freaking out. She tells Gina Marie that looking at Elissa is like looking into hell. Wow, that’s a little hard. Gina Marie then tells Aaryn that McCranda is untrustworthy. Aaryn doesn’t seem to have broken ties with McCranda, though, so she just admits she has to be careful with every move she makes. Hey, tell some racist jokes, Aaryn! Those are always a hit!
Amanda, who does NOT like not being in control of the house this week, decides for a pow wow with Elissa. She suggests Elissa nominate Gina Marie if Aaryn gets off the block, then demands to know she’s safe, too. Elissa assures Amanda she’s not going up. Amanda doesn’t believe her. This would be the beginning of the end for these two being civil to one another, by the way. Just so you can remember it and look back fondly on the days when Elissa’s time in the house didn’t seem so much like a living hell.
Elissa is thinking how awesome it would be to send Amanda home. Yes! A big move that has been delayed for far too long! She’s totally open to getting Amanda out, and suspects Judd will be down with it. She doesn’t mean to be bipolar! She tells Judd her idea, and he loves it. Judd can’t wait to get his hands dirty! This is so exciting! Amanda has to be gone, right? RIGHT?
Elissa calls for Aaryn to talk to her. Elissa wants to work together. Aaryn promises she won’t tell Amanda. I’m not sure if Aaryn is lying through her teeth or if she’s actually breaking ties with McCranda, though.
Time to pick players in the veto competition. The first name pulled? Amanda! No!!! Then, Gina Marie. Aaryn gets houseguest’s choice, and as she and Elissa planned, she picks Judd. Amanda is furious. Why not pick ANDY, who will most likely lose or, better yet, pull McCrae off the block? Amanda isn’t willing to just let this go, mind you. While she’s TAKING A SHOWER with McCrae, she picks a fight with Aaryn. I can almost pay attention, except I’m distracted by how gross it is for these two to be taking a shower together and doing it in front of not only other house guests, but, um, America.
This isn’t the caboose in Amanda’s crazy train, mind you. When she sees Gina Marie and Elissa talking in the kitchen, she decides to scream at Gina Marie for being a traitorous, lying something or other. McCrae collects Amanda like a squealing bag of trash. But she’s not done!
Later Amanda demands a promise from Elissa that she won’t be backdoored. When she doesn’t get it, she cries. She’s such a loyal, good friend to Elissa! What? When? Shocking.
Hey, Zingbot is here! This leads to us seeing Amanda’s tramp stamp, which has to be the most unfortunate tramp stamp ever. That’s saying something, given that tramp stamps are called, well, tramp stamps.
It’s time for the veto competition. Baby Zingbot is one year old! The game is basically about tossing a ball back and forth 250 times, and if it hits the ground, having to start over. C’mon, Judd!
Amanda, the smoker, is wheezing. She won’t win this, right? RIGHT?
Aaryn drops her ball! Gina Marie and McCrae do, too. Then Elissa! No!
It’s down to Amanda and Judd. Come on, Judd! Judd is about to throw up. No! No! He drops his ball! NO! Then, he sort of throws up. Yeah, didn’t need to see that.
But wait! There’s a dark horse! Gina Marie and Amanda are neck and neck. And then… AMANDA WINS? She’s done nothing but FLOAT. She has won nothing, and now she manages to pull off a win? Excuse me; I think banging my head against the wall is the only way to stop this headache.
Andy is so afraid he’ll go on the block! Amanda obviously doesn’t care, as she’s so happy to have won the veto. Elissa is so pissed, and I can’t blame her. Her brilliant plan to backdoor Amanda is shot.
Still, she wants to make sure whoever she puts up ruins McCranda’s game. Elissa tempts fate by making a feeble joke that she “let” Amanda win.
And this is when the wheels come off the wagon.
Amanda loses it. “You cried like a little bitch,” she says to Elissa. “No one gives a bleep what you have to say. You bleeping wasted your HoH. You’re going down.” She tells Elissa she’s made of plastic. Oh, but she still wants Elissa to nominate Gina Marie as McCrae’s substitute. Yeah, I’m pretty sure Elissa will follow orders at this point, Amanda.
Amanda has a brilliant plan. She’ll torture Elissa, then let Andy comfort her so he stays off the block. Then, Amanda yells at Elissa to come out of her HoH room. She screams about her plastic surgery and toots a horn. She screams about how Elissa doesn’t have Candice or Helen or Jessie and, in fact, has no one. Elissa ignores her. Amanda plans to torture her every single day until she leaves this house. Everyone else ignores Amanda, in part because she’s acting crazy, and in part because she might actually be violent.
Andy decides to go upstairs and reassure Elissa. Golly, he’s so embarrassed to have been working with such a nut! Gee, he’s such a safe, nice ally! Who betrayed Helen and a bunch of other people, but isn’t he nice?
So, Amanda pulls herself off the block in an unbearably smug way. Elissa, who is determined to screw with McCranda’s game, nominates Andy despite his cuddliness. I am so happy that Elissa is finally, you know, playing the game.
Amanda calls Elissa trash as she sits down, because Amanda is just so classy. Elissa isn’t going to get mad, she’s going to get even, and man, I hope she does. Judd may have thrown up during the veto competition (how did a smoker win this? I’m still flummoxed), but I am hoping he becomes the new HoH.
Even if he doesn’t, there’s a chance McCranda may be in trouble. Andy plans to turn on the power couple if he’s around next week, and Aaryn doesn’t seem too loyal, either. In acting like a crazy, hateful person, Amanda may have annoyed and offended more hamsters than just Elissa (hamsters who will be jury members if they get voted off, too). At least, I certainly hope so.
Who do you think is going home? Do you think Amanda is crazy or crazy like a fox? Will McCranda last through another week intact?