Bullets Over Hollywood for June 17:The Lawrence/Pratt Impossible Dream

06.17.15 2 years ago

Welcome to your brand new morning round-up of all the stories breaking things across Hollywood. Every morning, we”ll give you the bullet points you need to survive as a citizen of entertainment for 24 more hours

Looking around this AM: It”s about time someone noticed that there”s money in them thar multiplexes!  Today in Hollywood: everyone”s going to get rich.

• Sony dares to dream the impossible Pratt/Lawrence dream
So how”s this pitch grab you?  Take the two biggest box office stars of the moment, and put them together, in one movie. Like, both of them, at the same time. On the same poster!  Just how did this ipod-level breakthrough happen?  Kim Masters has the story on the “behind-the-scenes drama could have taken it out of Sony”s orbit.”  Yes, it”s one of the classic Hollywood tales of boy reads script; boy loves script but not at that pricetag; boy”s frenemy says he”s going to make script; boy decides its the script he was born to make after all.  Actually, the story of how a little spec that had been kicked around with not much interest for years until two mega-stars somehow got attached is pretty much the blueprint for the jogging backwards blindfolded route to the screens most films take these days. The article almost reads like one of those after action reports on How This Flop Happened, which with just a little freshening up, it can be repurposed as in 18 months.
But who knows? The script is being sold as “Gravity with romance” Starring Lawratt?  Why not?I

• “Jurassic World”  every record in the history of record keeping.
Biggest weekend of all time! Biggest June Debut!  Biggest PG-13 Debut! IMAX International! Fastest to 200 million.
Finally, after 100 years, Hollywood has stumbled on the algorithm to guarantee we all drown in moviegoer dollars.  The formula, now available in open source to all studios:
1 Big Effects Hit + 2 Diminishing Returns Sequels + 14 Dormant Years + (Giant Creatures+Parental divorce/Indie director) +(IMAX Premium + 3D Premium + Flavored Popcorn Premium) + The Rock Made a 70″s earthquake movie  x Sitcom Star Who Hasn”t Worn Out His Big Screen Welcome/Yet = McLaren”s for everyone!

• But the Jurassic controversy continues.
Hollywood may agree that Planet Jurassic rules, but how exactly it rules is the most hotly debated topic in the industry today.  Specifically, by what dinosaur metaphor does Jurassic rule?  The battle lines were drawn last weekend as headline writers took to battle stations with their  T. Rex fangs bared.  “Stomps” was the clear establishment favorite with BOTH the Hollywood Reporter and Variety AND the Wall St. Journal reporting that J4 had “stomped” its way to box office victory.
However, in a sign of internal dissent, suggesting all may not be Smores and slumber parties under the roof of Penske media,  Variety”s sister website Deadline (cousin website? Evil stepmother website?) reported that Jurassic had not stomped at all, but had in fact, “chomped” the competition last weekend.  The difference between “chomped” and “stomped” may be just two little letters, but one such distinctions have empires crumbled.
Elsewhere the LA Times – no doubt under the influence of critic/food cult leader Jonathan Gold  – stated that Jurassic “Chows Down” on the competition. The AP took their cue and went witha  variation on the culinary theme, headlingin that
The ever-understated Wrap chose to brazen eschew dinosaur metaphors entirely saying the film “Explodes” the box office.  Entertainment Weekly took its own path, with the elegant “Jurassic World Roars”

• Big Brother introduces its a transgender houseguest. What could possibly go wrong?
“Awesome and terrifying” is how Reality Andy describes the news.

• Married at First Sight. What could go wrong? I know what you”re thinking – a premise like that, really, what could go possibly ever, go wrong?
The shocking thing was how right it went the first season with an insightful and touching probe into what makes relationships really work. But then one little abuser sneaks through the cracks and ruins everything.  Reality Andy, again, has the story at Hitfix.

• Maleficent 2 is happening!
Deadline reports Angelina Jolie is being “kept in the loop.” I'm sure she's grateful.

• Pitch Perfect 3 is happening!  And why not! The days when only male-movies could be beaten to death in sequel heaven are officially over!

Kirk Kerokorian died at age 98 after owning MGM a mere three times; thus ending his dream of breaking the record held by Godfrey Mummley who owned MGM 14 times from 1902 to 1973, including for 8 minutes in 1957 when founding mogul Louis B Mayer accidentally left the studio on his desk and Mummley was able to invoke the “finders keepers” rule, forcing Mayer to pay to get it back.

• Kerokorian began his career as a professional boxer. His passing means that Hollywood loses its only executive who has ever been in a fight.

• William Friedkin joins the superhero backlash. Movies in his day had “gravity” to them.

Fritz Lang was so freaked out by meeting Joseph Goebbels he said, even Hollywood has to be better than this and got on a boat.

And on Hitfix:

• Donna Dickens on 12 Questions “Jurassic World” Refuses to Answer

Alan Sepinwall has a sneak peak at what gruesomeness lies in store on this week”s “Hannibal.”

Alan Sepinwall continues his tour through Season 1 of “The Sopranos”

Atticus Ross knows a lazy film score when he sees one.

Drew McWeeny marches his kids through Middle Earth in Film Nerd 2.0.

We'll be back tomorrow with another sackful of bullets. Now, let's all get out there and make some fortunes!

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