Bullets Over Hollywood: Too Good To be True Detective

06.18.15 2 years ago

Time in Hollywood isn”t so much a flat circle as a round piñata we keep swinging at over and over again, hoping just one more piece of Halloween candy will fall out.  But if we”re all blindfolded, how will we even know?

Welcome to your brand new AM round-up of all the stories breaking things across Hollywood. Each day, we”ll give you the bullet points you need to survive as a citizen of entertainment for 24 more hours.  Here”s the bullets for June 18th:

• True Detective is a flat circle.
The HBO anthology detective series has returned for one more philosophical ellipse around the old crime scene. Contrary to earlier reporting, this season does not star Robert Downey Jr and Samuel L. Jackson or James Franco and Justin Beiber or Al Pacino and the Kardashians or Judge Lance Ito and Channing Tatum orThe Rock and Jeb Bush or Nick Nolte and Dakota Fanning or the original cast of “Welcome Back Kotter.”  All those well-sourced reports about the casting of this show were at least 3 percent true at their press time, but just turned out to be less later.  And that”s why they call it “True Detective.”  (As of press time, HBO has not returned calls seeking comment on rumors that Season 3 of “True Detective” will focus on the dark intrigue swirling surrounding the casting of Season 4 of “True Detective.”)
When the rubber hit the road, it was Vince Vaughn and Colin Farrell in the driver”s seat. Anyone who had that guess is asked to appear at the HBO headquarters tomorrow morning between 9 and 9:15 to collect their free “John From Cincinnati” tote bag.
How's the new season?  The great Alan Sepinwall has posted his review. Are they breaking with gritted jaws and deep thoughts formula this time around?  Alan notes, “Boy oh boy, is “True Detective” season 2 fascinated with masculinity.”  You've been warned! Anyone who hate tweets this time will have no one to blame but themselves. Read it all.

• Remembering When the NY Times was Mean to HBO
THR”s inside someone's empire piece this week explores HBO”s phoenix-like rise from their brief dry spell back a few years ago.  My favorite part of the article recalls a couple moments of snootiness from The New York Times towards “True Blood” and “Game of Thrones”,  shows that they are certainly allowed not to like, but the pang of betrayal – you”re supposed to belong to us, not the rabbie! – rings out in their pleas for the network to come back to the reservation.

• A good movie is coming out this weekend!
Pixar”s “Inside Out” hits theaters pre-beloved. Our first critical lets-take-Rotten-Tomatoes-to 110 love fest of the year.  And you know what that means kids! It”s Oscar Race 2015!  Off and running. Enjoyed your four months of rest? Well, on your feet and time to start seeing every piece of news through the prism of how it affects Zero Dark Thirty”s chances? (Is he running again this year.)
On the heels of the “Inside Out” love wave, the Oscar pundits have been on the streets asking – Does the film stand a chance of being the fourth animated to be nominated for Best Picture in history?  The overwhelming verdict – it depends!  If some other things turn out to be bad, and people still think this is good, then definitely maybe!  File your ballots today!

Variety asking “who will be late night”s cool kid” is Popular Mechanics asking “Who Will be the Most Exquisite Sushi Chef in Honduras?”

• ComicCon Bans Selfie Sticks!  Et tu Comic Con!
Well, talk about chickens coming home to roost.  The convention that invented grown ups dressing like 11 year olds is calling for a bit of composure among its attendees.  Apparently the forest of these sticks sticking out everywhere have become a security hazard.   Capes, robot voices, and giant swag bags have apparently, not yet reached the point of public safety threat and remain authorized.

• Did Kristen Stewart”s mom out her?
Buzzfeed”s Kate Aurthur asks fascinatingly, can you be forced out of the closet if you were never really in it?  And why same sex relationships appear to be media's last taboo.
On the other hand – kinda glad to know that there still is one.

Rob Zombie is making a Groucho Marx biopic
So terrible that Groucho would actually approve?  So wrong it will turn out to be the Groucho Marx biopic that young Groucho would've made about himself?

• Disney is not developing Princess Diaries 3.
They are not even “in talks” to develop “Princess Diaries 3” says Variety.  Is that even legal? Aren”t studios legally required to be “in talks” about every possible project with everyone who could possibly be involved with it always forever? What would trades write about if people stopped being in talks?  What would executives talk about? Have they started taking up hobbies?

• Jeff Wells continues his War on People Not Hot Enough to be in Romantic Comedies.

• Oh right, And Channing Tatum revealed the name of his penis on his Reddit AMA.  Back in my day, before there were internets, we just had to sit around and guess what actors named their penises…

• Jaws Turns 40 and he”s hanging in the yard of an auto-shop in Sun Valley.
As it must happen with us all…NPR reported this a few years back. Of the 4 copies of Bruce the Shark, only one survives, thanks to the hospitality and charity of Aalden Brothers Auto Wrecking.

• And finally, the shower scene in Psycho reenacted by kittens

Until tomorrow, happy Emmy racing to you all.

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