Everyone needs to calm the hell down about this ‘Rainbow Brite’ remake

donna-dickens
Deputy Entertainment Editor
10.15.14

After almost a 20 year hiatus, Rainbow Brite is back for a new generation to enjoy with a brand-new show. Starring Emily Osment as the titular character and 80s legend Molly Ringwald and the villainous Dark Princess, the show has has gotten a complete facelift. Which includes a new animation style and way more child-friendly snark.

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So of course, the Internet is outraged. OUTRAGED. Which hey, that's kind of the Internet's whole bag. But come on guys. I was obsessed with Rainbow Brite! I dressed like her, I put the star stickers on my face (and furniture), I bought all the Color Kids, I damn near threw a tantrum when they discontinued her cereal.

However, like a lot of childhood memories, Rainbow Brite is coated in a thick protective sheet of rose-colored glasses. Peeling off that buffer reveals a terrible secret. The original show was awful. Just awful. Created by Hallmark Cards as a bid to get into the lucrative children's licensing market, no less. In fact, it's a testament to how well 1980s marketing firms knew their audience, that a cartoon with only THIRTEEN episodes is still an indelible memory on an entire generation. 

If adult me, with all my love to this absurd cartoon, can no longer stomach its saccharine sweet message, no modern day kid would last the length of this YouTube video.

Although, I guess you could argue only a true badass expresses zero emotion after vanquishing their mortal enemy?

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Mother. Wife. Geek. Writer. Succinct. Donna Dickens has been writing for the Internet for almost a decade. She has a particular love of Star Wars, Sailor Moon, and the dark lord Cthulhu. Her favorite color is Octarine.

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