Social media is dark and full of terrors spoilers. To avoid spoiling the fun for fans on the west coast and those who have to wait to beg, borrow, or steal an HBO Go password, this season I”m confining my stream-of-consciousness thoughts to this liveblog. Follow along or flee in fear. Here there be spoilers! Catch up on Episode Three, 'Oathbreaker,' over here.
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[8:57PM EDT] – Tonight's episode title is making me curious if we'll see more of the lore behind the Seven, or if it's just gonna be a lot of death. Why not both!?
[9:02PM EDT] – It's really cute how they do a “Previously On” every week like everyone who watches this show isn't religiously reworking their entire lives to be on the couch on Sunday nights.
[9:05PM EDT] – Jon Snow was gonna head South, but a surprise Sansa could change all those plans…or solidify them. Let the Stark kids go hunt some Freys! Just make sure you tell Dolorous Ed about how you need Valyrian steel to kill the Night's King first, I guess.
[9:07PM EDT] – Not gonna lie. I'm a little emotional. This is the first time Sansa has felt safe since her father died YEARS AGO. More happy Stark children, please. For the love of the gods. This is delightful.
[9:09PM EDT] – Oh Jon, you've fought. But Sansa's been fighting too. She's been parlayed like pieces, abused, beaten, and raped. You aren't the only one that's tired, asshole. Now shut your pie hole and take Winterfell back from that asshat.
[9:11PM EDT] – Oh Lord, Davos. Don't ask about Shireen. You don't want to know the answer. Melisandre off the hook for another day as Brienne saunters in to be like “I killed that jerk Stannis, and I'd do it again.”
[9:15PM EDT] – Good to know that Lady Lysa's child has no loyalty to the man who raised him in the absence of any other adult in his life. Just kill the child and be done with it. If we've learned anything, it's that unruly children turn into monsters.
[9:16PM EDT] – Yesssss, a scene where Tyrion gets to play the diplomat. These people are screwed.
[9:19PM EDT] – Tyrion is the only person on this entire continent that understands you can't take away the entire economy and not replace it with something else. Do you want anarchy? This is how you get anarchy.
[9:22PM EDT] – We interrupt this episode of Game of Thrones for a preview of True Detective Season 3.
[9:26PM EDT] – These Dothraki buildings look surprisingly solid. Almost like the alleyways of Meereen under different lighting instead of the buildings of a nomadic empire.
[9:30PM EDT] – I bet you a shiny dollar that little girl killed her Khal. Here is the beginning of Dany's plan to unite all the Dothraki under a single banner. A single banner known as “Drogon will burninate you if you don't.
[9:32PM EDT] – The actor who plays the High Sparrow is good at his job because I don't know if I hate him or Ramsay Bolton more.
[9:36PM EDT] – The Tyrell's haven't gotten as much screen time to show their suffering as the Starks, but I loathe the Sparrows as much as the Freys and the Boltons. Damn fundamentalists. But no. NOT ON MARGAERY'S WATCH.
[9:38PM EDT] – You can watch Tommen's abject terror of not doing exactly what his mother wants warring with his knowledge that Cersei isn't the best counselor.
[9:40PM EDT] – The Queen of Thorns has no time for philandering Lannisters. Unless the High Sparrow plans to make Margaery walk naked through the streets. That's the only thing that will cause the Queen of Thorns will join forces with Cersei. See? Religion does bring people together.
[9:45PM EDT] – I knew it! I knew Theon went home to support his sister in the Queensmoot!
[9:46PM EDT] – Ramsay thinks Osha is trapped in here with him. But oh no, little lord. You're trapped in here with HER.
[9:49PM EDT] – Oh Goddammit.
[9:50PM EDT] – Consolation prize. Tormund thinks Brienne is pretty. It took .0002 seconds for me to ship it.
[9:52PM EDT] – You didn't kill Osha in order to open the door for Sansa to get revenge. You didn't have to bring her back just for that inglorious end!
[9:55PM EDT] – As interesting as it is to see Dany try to upend thousands of years of patriarchy in Dothraki culture, I DON'T CARE. Back to the North. Back to Sansa's vengeance!
[9:58PM EDT] – Dany doesn't even need Drogon to set the patriarchy on fire. Death to toxic masculinity! Long live the matriarchy!
See y'all next week!