Social media is dark and full of terrors spoilers. To avoid spoiling the fun for fans on the west coast and those who have to wait to beg, borrow, or steal an HBO Go password, this season I”m confining my stream-of-consciousness thoughts to this liveblog. Follow along or flee in fear. Here there be spoilers! Catch up on Episode Nine, 'Battle of the Bastards,' over here.
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[8:58PM EDT] – Here we go! This is it. Nine weeks of political intrigue and maneuvering has led up to the Season 6 finale of Game of Thrones. It's still anyone's game (except Ramsay's, FINALLY) and the episode has a lot of loose ends to tie up. What's the secret Cersei knows? Will the Tyrells stand for Loras's trial? Will Tommen die now or later? Have we seen the last of Arya this season? Is Davos going to straight up murder Melisandre? And where do Dany and Tryion fit into all this? Let's find out!
[9:00PM EDT] – Side note: Please don't make me choose between The Walking Dead and Westworld this October. Just…put it at a different time? Please?
[9:02PM EDT] – This commercial isn't Game of Thrones. WE CAN TELL TIME, HBO!!
[9:03PM EDT] – Oh man, I thought we were done with Dorne. But if the Freys are still around, Lady Stoneheart could still be, right? Forever live in hope! Or at least let the Blackfish take her place. Remember, Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar? We're going back to the Tower of Joy!!
[9:05PM EDT] – Man it feels good to not have the Flayed Man on Winterfell in the opening credits anymore.
[9:08 PM EDT] – I will never get over Cersei's impeccable sense of style. Girlfriend knows how to make an outfit say whatever she wants it too. Not that Margaery isn't fashionable, but she doesn't have that Lannister flair.
[9:09PM EDT] – Not gonna lie. Every time I see the High Septon, I suddenly become okay with using wildfire to burn the Great Sept of Baelor to the bloody ground. By the old gods and the new, someone smack that arrogant smirk of the High Sparrow's face or so help me I will implode.
[9:13PM EDT] – Does Willas Tyrell exist in this universe? Guessing not, since Loras just rejected his claim to Highgarden.
[9:14PM EDT] – In a way, this is incredibly smart of Margaery and Loras. This way he can be close to her, to “protect” her fro heretics. And it's not like he wanted to get married and father children anyway. Once Loras isn't broken anymore, he can be a mole for the Tyrells.
[9:15PM EDT] – Dudes can't see a trap coming even when it's staring at them with a cherubic face. Y'all gonna die. Oh Lord, it's the children. What would Varys think????
[9:19PM EDT] – That kid had great aim! So precise compared to Pycelle's death.
[9:20 PM EDT] – Feeling very Targaryen right now, because my reaction to that green glow was “YES. BURN IT ALL.”
[9:22PM EDT] – HOLY SHIT!!! Long live the Queen, indeed.
[9:24PM EDT] – Wine-boarding is now a thing.
[9:25PM EDT] – Oleanna Tyrell isn't going to take this lying down. You better watch yourself, Cersei. The Queen of Thorns is coming for you, and she is better than you.
[9:28PM EDT] – OH MY GOD, TOMMEN WHAT?!?!
[9:30PM EDT] – I guess now Jaime and Cersei are even? One of each of their children died on their watch. Pointless, futile deaths. Reminder, now that Tommen is dead it is a free-for-all for king.
[9:33PM EDT] – Out of all the places I thought we'd see tonight, Oldtown wasn't one of them. So help me, Game of Thrones writers, Gilly, Sam, and baby Sam better all live to see the end of this episode.
[9:35PM EDT] – “You are permitted to use the library,” are probably the sexiest words you could say to Samwell Tarly.
[9:38PM EDT] – Here we go. Davos can't kill Melisandre, but can Jon Snow? Would he even? Where on the honor scale does the murder of your enemy's daughter fall?
[9:41PM EDT] – Apparently it fall in the grey area, so banishment it is. Any wagers on how far South she'll go? Will she meet up with Arya? Varys? All the way to Dorne?
[9:43PM EDT] – Still shipping it. I'm not even sorry. Jon and Sansa 5ever.
[9:44PM EDT] – Ugh, Sand Snakes. That's right Lady Oleanna, you put those girls in their place. My kingdom for Arianne Martell to take the reigns of this cluster. I mean, Varys is an okay substitute but COME ON.
[9:47PM EDT] – When a man says he doesn't want the crown, that he'll be the mistress, you have found a keeper. KEEP THAT MAN. Let's be honest, wearing the crown never makes anyone happy. One day in the far future, Dany is going to look back and wish she'd kept that man.
[9:51PM EDT] – Dany finally coming to grips with the fact that she's a sociopath.
[9:53PM EDT] – Back at the Twins, eh? WHATEVER COULD THAT MEAN!?! Please, please, please.
[9:53PM EDT] – Oh my God! If we can't get Lady Stoneheart, this is just as good! I think we have to now truly put undead Catelyn Stark to rest, but Arya (and Nymeria please!) will rise up in her place.
[9:56PM EDT] – We all knew Littlefinger wanted the Iron Throne, but we all know he's a fool if he thinks it'll happen. It's more likely that Sansa will sit the Throne than he. Sansa is totally going to legitimize Jon to throw a wrench in Petyr's plan.
[9:58PM EDT] – Oh hey, a convenient weirwood tree for Bran to tap into to go back to the Tower of Joy. Do it. Do it. Do it.
[10:00PM EDT] – Oh sweet merciful Jesus, it's happening. I've waited so long!!!
[10:01PM EDT] – No! No whispering. You admit Jon Snow is Jon Targaryen right damn now, Lyanna Stark!
[10:03PM EDT] – Everyone shut up, Lyanna Mormont is talking! You old men just got schooled by a child. Be ashamed of yourselves.
[10:05PM EDT] – I am laughing so hard because Littlefinger's face is all “Wait, THIS ISN'T PART OF MY PLAN!!”
[10:06PM EDT] – The King in the North! The King in the North! (and now he needs a Stark bride, I'm not sorry!)
[10:08PM EDT] – Oh goodie, Cersei made more zombie knights. This…can't end well. She's taking this 'Let's be like the Targaryens' a little too far into the Madness Zone.
[10:09 PM EDT] – That look on Jaime's face is one of a man who knows he's going to have to kill his sister. I now believe he, and not Tyrion, is the Valonqar.
[10:10PM EDT] – With Varys and the Queen of Thorns in Dorne, Dany is absolutely going to land there to begin her ground invasion. It'll be South meets North, in the end.
That's all they wrote, friends! Now for months of waiting and speculating until we return!