Here’s why Kermit the Frog’s new girlfriend is terrible

09.01.15 2 years ago

ABC's new series “The Muppets” is a mockumentary featuring Jim Henson's familiar characters and a few new suspicious ones. The strangest newcomer is Denise, a pig who purports to be Kermit the Frog's new girlfriend. She works at marketing for ABC and often drops by the set of Miss Piggy's talk show “Up Late” to schmooze with Kermie. 

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And we want her gone.

I don't know what Kermit's problem is, but he's making a mistake by favoring Denise over, y'know, the most iconic felt pig of the past century. Here are just a few reasons Denise is the worst.

Miss Piggy is Mariah Carey for beginners — or possibly the other way around. 

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Truly an icon. Denise is an Anthropologie customer who probably thinks Mariah Carey's best song is “We Belong Together.” Unacceptable. 

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Miss Piggy already did the cat-eyed thing. It was called the 1970s.

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She even mastered Denise's hairstyle in the '70s. Here she is proving it with her friend Gilda Radner.

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Miss Piggy doesn't need Kermit. She'll romance any blockbuster hunk she wants. Kermit's lucky to get this ageless, curly-tailed ingenue. 

 

Spent Friday with the most beautiful girl in the world. Kermit, #SorryNotSorry. #TheMuppets #misspiggy

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A photo posted by Liam Hemsworth (@liamhemsworth) on Aug 31, 2015 at 8:17am PDT

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Miss Piggy's surgeon is way more subtle than Denise's. Kermit should appreciate that tact.

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Miss Piggy has kept up with the times just fine. Denise can't even keep up with Miss Piggy.

Marketing, Denise? Please. More like Kermit's in the market for a new girlfriend.

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…And it better be Piggy. 

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“The Muppets” premieres September 22 on ABC.

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